Why do I have to pay a deposit?

It's becoming increasingly common for Dominatrices to ask for advance payments. I'm frequently asked why and what this means for you.

Paying a deposit shows that you're committed to keeping the appointment and that you understand the value of my time. I often joke that I'm performing a public service by taking deposits: your grandmother won't die, you won't get sick and your boss won't call you into the office for an unscheduled meeting.

If you've researched the Domme pro you want to see, you'll know we're reliable. It's our job and we take it seriously. In my five years as a professional Dominatrix, I've only canceled/shifted a handful of appointments. Each time, I've offered to either apply the deposit at a later date or refund it. If you'd like my advice on how to check that the person you want to see is legitimate, read this article.

Deposits are not an "easy way to get money" before the session. Truth be told, for accounting reasons, it would be easier for me to get paid on the day of the session, but because of the fantasists and rabbits when I first started doing Professional Domination sessions, I made it a strict rule. And do you know what? I have very, very few cancellations these days.

When someone has to cancel or postpone, I'm sure it's for a reason beyond their control. That builds trust in our relationship from the start. I know you won't stand me up unless there's something serious... or you just like throwing money around.

As you probably know, I spend a lot of time writing emails before our sessions. A deposit pays for the time I spend thinking about our next meeting. Yes, it's work for me! Just like when you're working on a big project in the office, there's a lot of behind-the-scenes work that goes on for my sessions. Not just e-mails, of course, but huge amounts of creative energy! I want our time together to be magical, and that doesn't happen without extensive planning and research on my part.

This shows that you respect my rules

Payment of a deposit shows that you have read and understood my requirements. If you are not able to follow one of my basic rules, my dungeon will not suit you. Compliance with my protocol is mandatory, whether you're a submissive, a fetishist or someone who's just curious about BDSM.

These days, most high-end restaurants require deposits. A session with me is the equivalent of dinner at a Michelin-starred establishment. Why do they do this? Quite simply, they prepare for your arrival, just as I do. Travel time to the Justice Room, cleaning, hair styling, make-up and mental preparation all take time and energy.

I have a busy schedule 

I'm a VERY busy woman. I organize several events every month, travel to FemDom events, attend workshops and festivals. Finally, my personal schedule is simply jam-packed. I don't do last-minute sessions and I need to plan well in advance.

When you pay a deposit, I block off a large part of my day to prepare for our time together. I want to be at my best, mentally and physically, when you arrive. Without a deposit, I'll go on living my fabulous life and organizing other things.

There's a huge mental burden in not knowing whether someone will make their appointment or not. When I receive a deposit, that burden is lifted. You want my life to be just as worry-free, don't you? By paying your deposit promptly, you contribute to my peace of mind.

Reasons or excuses?

I've heard so many different things about why someone won't pay a deposit, most of them boil down to two categories: reasons and excuses.

Legitimate reasons :

"I've been ripped off before".

Did you read my article on how to avoid scams ? Have you followed all these steps before sending a deposit? I'm going to say something very important to understand: it's not the pro Dommes who are ripping people off. People who organize scams to steal money are just as horrible for us as they are for you, because it gives legitimate sex workers a bad name. They steal our photos and copy information from our websites. Unfortunately, the world is full of unsavory people who want to rip you off, but I repeat, THESE ARE NOT PROS who are behind these accounts.

If you've done your research and contacted a reputable professional, she's not going to rip you off for €50 and risk her reputation. It's simply not worth it. That said, it's your responsibility to do your research before applying to serve. 

"I'm afraid of digital fingerprints".

That's a legitimate reason, but there are ways of getting around the traces left on your side. My aim is to ensure the greatest possible security for myself and my customers! Like many other companies, I use a VPN, an encrypted e-mail service and a professional payment system to accept deposits. With this payment system, your personal data is hidden, just like mine. The charges on your bank statement are discreet, so if you're worried about your spouse or accountant looking at them, there's no potentially compromising information.

Even if, like me, you're very careful about your online activities, potential data leaks are a reality, but they don't come from my end. It's much more likely that they're coming from much further up the chain. Believe me, I don't have time to waste trying to steal your identity. I'd rather torture you in another (consensual) way in the dungeon!

Still not convinced? There are other ways of paying on account that leave absolutely no trace. Although I steer clear of alternatives such as gift cards, it is an option. Why don't I like gift cards for deposits? I pay taxes on my income and it's very complicated for my accounting. Also, I avoid buying too much from Amazon as I prefer to support local businesses whenever possible.

In France, we also have a few alternatives available from tobacconists, where you can pay in cash and send me a code by e-mail. Again, this is not my preference, but it can be arranged in rare cases.

"I'm not sure I'm ready".

If you are not ready to book a session, you should not contact me for this. I offer a paid "social time", where we can discuss your apprehensions and then see if a session with me (or another Dominatrix) is right for you. Not sure? I'll be happy to answer your questions and give you advice, which may or may not lead you to book a session at a later date.

Social time is not about "convincing" you to book. Quite the contrary. I'm presenting you with the pros and cons of a session with me so that you can make an informed decision. Believe me, I don't want to play with someone who's not 100 % sure they want to be there! Where's the fun in that?

You wrote to me when you were excited and now that it's business time, you're not sure? Tell me! I understand it's a big step, but again, I'm not going to persuade you to do a session if you're not completely ready for it. Take your time before contacting professional Dommes. You don't want to end up on our blacklist as a fantasist. If you let me know you're feeling nervous now, I'll file your email away until you contact me to tell me otherwise and I'll gladly agree to see you. As always, communication is key.

Apologies

Oh, how many excuses have I heard for not paying a deposit?!!! Unlike the reasons mentioned above, excuses are totally unacceptable and usually result in you being blacklisted.

• I'll be paid next week. Then contact me next week.
• Trust goes both ways. Yes, [email protected], you don't have an established reputation with multiple social media profiles, a full website and a real presence in the BDSM community. You're an online unknown. I'll trust you more when you start following my rules and negotiating my terms.
• I don't know if you're real, prove it. Look at my photos, my videos, the many interviews I've done, the books I've written... You still don't think I'm real? Do you seriously think I'd go to the trouble of creating such an elaborate website and social networking presence just to steal an occasional retainer? In that case, you're the one living in a fantasy world, not me.
• I'm having problems with my credit card or bank account. Fix it and get back in touch when the problem is solved.
• I need more information/details about the session before paying. Read my website, especially the articles, but also the testimonials from other customers. Follow me on social media. I don't discuss what's going to happen during the session until you've shown that you're serious.

The list of excuses is long, but I think you probably get the idea: they're not valid reasons, just a way for horny men (yes, in my experience, they're ALWAYS men) to waste a few hours of my precious time.

Final comment: 

I understand that some of you have legitimate reasons to be wary of down payments, and I can deal with them on a case-by-case basis, assuming your request has been accepted and you follow all my other rules to the letter. Excuses, on the other hand, are a huge waste of time and energy and I won't accept them.

I really want you to have wonderful BDSM experiences, as long as you contact me long after our session, but you also have certain responsibilities. Trying to bend my rules can only end badly for you.