Don't call me "Mistress" (unless I ask you to)
Many dominatrixes like to be called " Mistress" But don't think that's the case for all of us. As in all things, we are unique individuals with our own preferences and pet peeves. One of the reasons I write all these articles is to tell you what my preferences are. This gives you a better idea of my expectations before, during and after a session, and helps you determine whether BDSM à la sauce Inanna is what you're looking for.
Unlike my Dominatrix sisters, I don't particularly like being called "a Dominatrix". Mistress This, coupled with the fact that I let some of my submissives use "tutoiement" towards me. This, coupled with the fact that I let some of my submissives use the tutoiement towards me, is causing some gnashing of teeth in the Parisian BDSM community and beyond. Let me clear up a few things for you, so that you'll be better prepared when you contact me.
A title means little if it's not earned. How often I'm contacted by people with whom I've never interacted, and who start their email with "Hello, my Mistress". I'm certainly not "yours", and we haven't even talked on the phone that you've decided I'm the one you want to be subjected to. It just doesn't make sense to me.
Although I'm well aware that many of you have been conditioned to use this word, if we're not sharing a D/s relationship, I'm not your Mistress. I'm a professional Dominatrix you're contacting with a view to possibly experiencing a session with me (if, of course, your application is suitable).
As a linguist by training, the sound of a word and the way it comes out of the mouth are important to me. "Mistress" is not a word that suits my ears. Too many "S" sounds stuck together, making you sound like a snake hissing at me, which sometimes seems to be the case. "Maîtresse, je..." is too often followed by a dull or pitiful lament, or, even more often, an inadequate request.
In addition, the word Mistress has many meanings, some of them negative. When we speak of someone's mistress, we're referring to the lover of a married man or couple. She's the "other woman", generally considered a homewrecker. There's also a sexist connotation to the term, as she's the man's "mistress": in a way, she belongs to him. It's hard for me to define it better, but it's been nagging at me.
You don't show respect simply by using a certain word (or by being formal, although it's always a good idea to start with that). Respect is shown by actions, by loyalty, by dedication and sacrifice. It doesn't show through your choice of vocabulary. It takes time, effort and a lot of energy. Yes, I understand that many of you feel it as a sign of respect, and I won't say otherwise, but as they say "deeds, not words".
So, what are you going to call me? My preference is "Madame". Madame, Miss or Mrs Justice are all acceptable. Sometimes even "Inanna" will do. I love my name and all it symbolizes. I encourage you to use it. Just don't call me Mistress if I haven't ordered you to do so.
