Fantasy vs. reality in BDSM sessions

Here's a little story about why you need to be prepared if things don't turn out exactly as you'd imagined (and that sometimes it's for the best).

As you may know, I have a soft spot for beginners and love showing people the pleasures of this wonderful playground called BDSM. Having a little experience in this field, I understand that people's expectations are often very different from what actually happens in a BDSM scene.

When this young man contacted me, he said he absolutely wanted to try my whip and the walking sticktwo practices which can be quite intense, even for those with more BDSM experience. If you've watched videos of FemDomYou're probably aware of the effects these practices can have on someone's ass. Even with the gentle strokes of a whip, marks are very likely and can last for a few days, especially if you're not an experienced player. The cane, too, is likely to cause bruising. These are tools that are meant to be severe, and when used correctly (and by someone who is capable of using them correctly), they are fabulous instruments. But, in my opinion, they are not suitable for most beginners.

At this session, I decided that I would indeed make impact gamesBut I started slowly, very slowly. I give him a few light spanks while he's still wearing his boxers. After a few minutes, when I start to feel his body warming up, I order him to take off his underwear and continue spanking him with my bare hands. His buttocks start to turn red, warmer to the touch, and I grab a paddle. The one I've chosen is soft suede so he can get used to it before moving on to a harsher tool. I find there's a big psychological difference between bare hands and tools on people, so again, I want to help him get used to it slowly.

I then switch to a pair of suede swifts, alternating between a gentle glide of the straps over her back and firmer strokes on the fleshy part of her bottom. I then choose a heavier swift that has a greater "thud" factor (as opposed to the "sting" factor). I give her a few good blows, touching her body again and warming her flesh for what's to come.

I pick up a leather riding crop and walk around his body, testing his resistance to this new tool. I hit him lightly on the legs, arms and torso, then harder and harder on the spot where I intend to land the tail of the whip later. He can't get into the game. I can see he's in pain, but it's not the kind of pain I'm looking for. Having a lot of experience with different types of customers, I'm pretty good at reading bodies, and this one isn't getting the pleasure he was expecting. If he's having trouble with these toys, he's REALLY not going to like the bite of a whip.

I explain that he's not ready for the cane or the whip today, but that I have other things in mind for him. I untie him and put him on the floor. I won't go into the details, but I decide to end our session with some other games.

After our session, I invite him to stay for a drink to take stock. I ask him what his first thoughts are. Unsurprisingly, he tells me he didn't enjoy the impact games. His favorite part? When I adapted the style of play because I felt his body wasn't responding the way I wanted.

When you contact a Domina, we like to hear your ideas, whether you're a beginner or an experienced player. I'm inspired by what turns you onBut sometimes what you ask for is unreasonable. I've said it elsewhere on my website, but it bears repeating: I call the shots. I take your fantasies and desires and modify them so that we can both enjoy our time together. Take comfort in knowing that I really want you to have an extraordinary experience, but that sometimes the day's program isn't quite what you expected.

*I'm happy to report that he's since had a taste of the whip and cane. The second time he came for a session, he was much more relaxed because he trusted my ability to adapt to his desires. He was able to let go and enter into this subspace where endorphins and adrenalin drown out the pain.