Collars and collaring

Written in collaboration with Podopheleus.

Be sure to check out his website for more articles on FemDom, being a submissive male, mental health, and much more.

Collars and collaring

Symbols are important in BDSM, and the collar is the quintessential symbol of dominance and submission. 

Why is the collar so powerful? What’s the history of collaring in BDSM? What does it mean to “be collared?” What are the different styles of collars? I will try to give you quick responses to each of these questions, as well as my personal views on collaring. While this article is meant to give some basic information, this is a vast subject and I don’t pretend to know everything. Take what you want from the article, hopefully learning a bit along the way, and adapt it to your own situation. 

Each Domme has her own views on collaring, please note that I am sharing with you my personal views and how I approach the subject. As with all of the information that I write about, the most important thing is that you educate yourself (from multiple sources, not just my articles) and that you COMMUNICATE with your partner about every little detail, even if you think that it’s obvious. Sometimes what seems like a no-brainer to you isn’t true for the other person. It’s always better to over-communicate than to suffer the consequences of a misunderstanding later. 

A quick history of the BDSM collar

From what I’ve read, the first story using the collar as a symbol in BDSM is in the book Histoire d’O, published in 1954. It should be mentioned that Anne Desclos (aka Pauline Reage) wasn’t into BDSM. Was her book partly responsible for what we see as commonplace today? 

In the Gor series by John Norman, more significance is placed on the collar. These books are “classics” but I haven’t read them due to criticism of them being highly sexist and there is a lot of humiliation of women. I have better things to read that correspond to my feminist beliefs! That said, it’s possible that ‘collar culture’ stems in part from these books. I’ll let you do the research on that. 

Physical attributes of a collar

Collars can be made from leather or synthetic leather, metal, paracord, lace, latex, or anything else you can imagine. Even a piece of string tied around the neck can be used as a symbolic collar! I won’t get too into the details of the construction of a collar, but invite look online at the endless options. Take a look at this website if you want to see some beautiful made in France collars. 

Most commonly seen in the BDSM scene are leather or synthetic leather collars with a D-ring or O-ring to attach a leash to. There are also shock collars (often used for training purposes), mobility restriction/posture collars, permanent collars, and much more. Again, I invite you to do some research on your end to learn about the nuances and adapt them to your needs and desires. 

collars collaring bdsm

The Play Collar 

The play collar is used during a session or at an event. There are (almost) no strings attached to this type of collar: it’s simply used to show that the Domme will do their best to protect their sub and that the sub will do their best to please their Mistress for the duration of their time together. 

I often use play collars during sessions with my clients, often explaining to them (especially if they’re new to BDSM) that when I remove the collar, it’s time to wrap up our session. I love play collars as they provide a ritual at the beginning and end of the session that helps us both get in the mood, or to start to come back to reality. 

Play collars are very useful when I take my subs out on the town. I deliberately collar them, regardless of our relationship, so that other Dommes will be sure to ask me before interacting with my sub. While I love sharing my submissives, I am very protective of them, especially in public. In general, they can play with whoever they’d like, but they need to check in with me to make sure that the Domme in question is safe in my book. In this context, the play collar could also be called the collar of protection. 

You might also see a sub wearing a collar at an event, even if they came alone. This is a play collar to symbolize that they are submissive. Again, be sure to ask to see if they are available to play with. And don’t forget: ask once and only once! If it’s not an enthusiastic YES, consider that it’s a NO. Don’t be pushy or creepy: the BDSM community is a tight-knit one and we don’t appreciate it when subs (or anyone, for that matter) feel unsafe in any way. 

collar collaring bdsm

The consideration collar and training collar as stepping stones

Often there are steps before a submissive receives a full collar. The consideration collar is often the first step on the path towards potential ownership and is most often used early in a D/s relationship. It indicates a sort of probationary period. As the name suggests, the submissive is being considered for ownership, but neither party has fully engaged. The Domme is beginning her evaluation of the submissive, and the sub is doing the same from their end to see if a long-term relationship is realistic. The consideration collar is often worn for a set time period, from several months to several years, before moving on to the next step. 

Next is often the training collar. Some people skip this and go directly from the consideration collar directly to full collaring, or they might skip the consideration collar and use only a training collar. The idea is the same: there is a symbolic link between the Domme and her sub, but nothing too official. The sub may still be allowed to play with other Dommes (with or without the permission of the Domme, depending on what the couple has agreed on), the sub may be allowed to attend events to meet other people, but not play… The training collar is often accompanied by tasks that the Domme expects to be carried out regularly: a mantra, position training, or anything else she sees fit. 

Full/Permanent Collar and Ownership

This is often the dream of many subs, but is it realistic for most? Full collars are often given after years of serving a Domme. I am constantly contacted by subs that want to be collared immediately and I just laugh about it. You don’t even know me and you want to commit to a long-term relationship?! Completely unrealistic. 

Full collars don’t necessarily have to be a physical collar, although often they are. It can be a bracelet, a necklace, a ring… or a tattoo. The idea of a permanent collar is just that: it’s permanent and should not be removed unless ending the relationship. 

Collaring ceremonies are common when a permanent collar is given. This can be between the Domme and the sub, or with others present. Some collaring ceremonies are a simple exchange of vows, some are ornate celebrations. I’ve attended many collaring ceremonies and each one is different, as each couple is different. 

The way I see it, there is a lot of responsibility on both parties for ownership. It may sound fun, but in reality, it’s a lot of work! I see it a bit like a wedding ring: the parties have engaged to stick together for a long time, perhaps (ideally) for life. The sub often gives up certain rights, such as not being able to play with other Dommes, financial responsibilities, or anything else she decides… but she also has to ensure that her sub is protected at all times. That’s a lot of work!  

The Big Question

Do I have collared subs? The short answer is no. I do, however, have dedicated collars for certain submissives, a sort of consideration or training collar that belongs just to them (so a step above the play collars that I use in session). I don’t plan on changing them out for a permanent collar anytime soon. Even to get to that point in a relationship with me takes a lot: that we play (VERY) well together and that our kinks align, that they have proven that you will do what I say, when I say it (within the boundaries that we’ve established, of course), and that they are willing to make regular, important sacrifices for my well-being. I’ve already engaged in a long-term relationship with these people, but we haven’t taken the final step. 

Would I consider giving a permanent collar? Sure! But at this point, it’s not up for question. Even my best boys have a long way to go before we get there. And I know that I still have a lot to do before I’m ready to take on that responsibility! 

Last words

Collars can be a wonderful accessory or have a much deeper significance in a relationship. It’s up to each of us to decide what works best for our current situation and also to consider the future of the two parties involved. There’s no need to follow the typical protocol of collaring: do what makes you and your partner happy. It can be a physical symbol of the bond between you two, be that for an hour or for a lifetime… or it can just be that you love the feeling of it around your neck. 

If you see someone collared, or a Domme with a collared sub at her feet, feel free to ask what their thoughts are on the subject. I’m sure you’ll get answers that vary from the tame to the extreme, and that delightful panoply of beliefs can help you determine what’s right for you. 

Have fun, stay safe, and keep it kinky!  

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Inanna Justice, Dominatrix in Paris

Inannapoly: My BDSM Board Game

Inannapoly: My BDSM Board Game

Some of you might have seen on social media that I created a board game called Inannaopoly. 

For the moment, the only way to play is to book a game day/night with me. I’m looking into making the game available for sale, but that won’t be for a few months at the very least. In the meantime, you can contact me to set up a time to play.

Because this is a new project, I am offering a promotion for those of you who want to be amongst my beta testers while I work out the kinks (no pun intended). Rather than paying for X hours for a session, you pay a flat fee to play. I want feedback from players to help me perfect the game, so there will be a short debriefing after our round. There is no minimum or maximum time to play. You may lose in 20 minutes, or we may play for 3 hours! It’s all up to the dice. This is not a typical session where I take into account your fantasies and create a tailor-made experience: you come to The Justice Room, we play a round of Inannaopoly, we debrief, and you go on your way. 

 

Inannapoly jeu BDSM

La boîte d’Inannapoly.

 

Because this is a new project, I am offering a promotion for those of you who want to be amongst my beta testers while I work out the kinks (no pun intended). Rather than paying for X hours for a session, you pay a flat fee to play. I want feedback from players to help me perfect the game, so there will be a short debriefing after our round. There is no minimum or maximum time to play. You may lose in 20 minutes, or we may play for 3 hours! It’s all up to the dice. This is not a typical session where I take into account your fantasies and create a tailor-made experience: you come to The Justice Room, we play a round of Inannaopoly, we debrief, and you go on your way.

To give you an idea of how long a round lasts, in the first trials, it was from 50 minutes to 1h40. So far, I have only played with one player at a time, but I would be thrilled to have two or three players come for a round.

To give you an idea of how long a round lasts, in the first trials, it was from 50 minutes to 1h40. So far, I have only played with one player at a time, but I would be thrilled to have two or three players come for a round.

I tried to give a variety of practices, but you all know that I’m a bit sadistic, so there’s quite a lot of impact play and things that make you go « ouch ». Of course you can always use a safe word, but you lose the game if you do so! This is one time where I don’t take your limits into consideration, although I do consider if you have health issues for certain practices (breath play and asthmatics, for example).

There is of course FemDom tax to pay, but certain ‘chance’ cards allow you to get Inanna Bucks from the bank.

Inannapoly

Les régles de jeu.

 

I don’t want to give away too many details, but to give you an idea of some of the spaces on the board, here’s a short list: 

Edging 

Ball gag 

Straight jacket 

Crop 

Cane 

Pegging 

Paddle 

Slave positions

If you want to try to beat me at my own game, contact me for details and we can set a play date! If a multi-player round interests you, let me know in your message and I’ll coordinate with another player. 

I want to give a shoutout to my dear friend at BDSAime.com who did the fantastic graphic design and helped me work out a lot of the details. Without him, I wouldn’t have been able to have such a beautiful board game. Visit his website to read about his adventures with professional Dommes and his thoughts on BDSM. 

I’m looking forward to playing with lots of you!

 

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Inanna Justice, Dominatrix in Paris

Inannapoly

Cartes chance et Inanna Bucks

 

Inanna Justice, Dominatrice BDSM à Paris

Why Seeing a Dominatrix is So Costly

Why Seeing a Dominatrix is So Costly

If you’re interested in seeing a professional Dominatrix, you may ask yourself why we charge such high hourly rates. Is it only about money for us? The short answer is no, not at all. The long answer is also no, but requires some explanation. Here are a few reasons why our hourly rates are so high.

Financial Costs

Equipment

Dungeon equipment is extremely expensive. A single piece of furniture can cost thousands of dollars. A good quality handmade flogger costs around 100€. A hand-tressed single tail whip starts at around 200€. A high quality, body-safe dildo starts at about 50€. Most well-reputed professional Dommes have large collections of these items and much more. Leather restraints, hoods, nipple clamps, chains, paddles… the list goes on and on. 

Clothing

You love to see us wearing fabulous body suits, well-tailored dresses, latex, leather and lace.
Silk stockings and quality lingerie are costly and need to be replaced regularly. I have a large wardrobe dedicated to my fetish wear so that each time we see each other, I can wear a gorgeous new outfit for you to admire, and am constantly adding pieces to my collection.
And then there’s our shoes…
Dominatrix costly

Do you like fetish clothing?

Hygiene products

Condoms, lube, disposable gloves, and cleaning products are a monthly cost that most people don’t think about. I would estimate that during an average session, I use a minimum of 10-20 gloves, more if there’s a lot of anal play or MedFet involved.
All of my toys are soaked in a solution to sterilise them before and after each use. All dildos, even if they’re sterile, get a condom.
When arriving in the bathroom, you’ll find a small toiletry kit that includes a disposable enema, a razor, a toothbrush, and of course a fresh towel. Small costs that add up.
Speaking of towels, you don’t want to know how much laundry we do! Towels, sheets, and cleaning rags aplenty. One session=one load of laundry. And no, I don’t have a house slave do it for me. My standards are much too high to entrust anyone else to do my cleaning.

The space

Having a dedicated play space is very expensive, especially in major cities. Unfortunately in France, dungeon rental is not possible, but if it were, it would be at least 50€ per hour (and I think I’m being conservative with that number). I am fortunate to have my own personal dungeon, The Justice Room, but as you know, paying for an apartment in beautiful Paris is EXPENSIVE.
I’ll let you do the math, also taking into consideration one of our other biggest expenses, taxes.

Taxes

Most reputable professional Dommes pay their taxes. That means a huge percentage of our earnings go to the government. I’m not complaining. I appreciate all the wonderful social protection that I have in France, but 24% of my revenues go directly to the state.
While we pay taxes, we are unable to deduct our many expenses like other businesses. So all that money that we spend on the above mentioned materiel is not considered a working expense.
Heels fetish prix dominatrice BDSM

Hidden costs

You enjoy our lovely photos ? A photo shoot costs between 100€ and 300€ (or more) for 10-15 images. Website hosting, advertising, webmaster services, fees to fan sites such as OnlyFans or LoyalFans… they are not necessarily huge expenditures, but at the end of the month, it adds up. Don’t forget that I am a business and have the similar costs as other small businesses.

Time outside of session

Emails and admin

For every candidature that I accept, I refuse two (quality not quantity chez moi). I always take the time to respond to emails, even if it’s to reject a session with someone. It may not seem like much, but it certainly adds up quickly. Regular communication with my clients takes time, be that through my newsletter, text messages, or emails. Again, this is a business and like other businesses, I strive to build relationships with my clients.
In addition, there are a lot of wankers out there that contact us. Fantasists that just want to send a couple of emails back and forth but never intend on booking a session. Others that deliberately want to waste our time (who knows why?!). Back when I still accepted phone calls and text messages, I was flooded with these guys. Because I’ve streamlined by booking procedure (and learned to smell them from a mile away), this is much less problematic for me, but it still happens and eats my valuable time.
Posting on social media takes A TON of time. Think about how you found my website. Likely Twitter or Google, right? If I didn’t spend hours per week posting and creating content, you never would have found me.
Writing all the articles on my website takes time. Doing my accounting takes time. Writing my newsletter takes time. Editing photos and videos takes time. On average, for every hour I spend in session, I spend at least three hours doing administrative work, and that doesn’t count the time I spend uploading pictures on my fan sites like  LoyalFans or OnlyFans.

Session preparation and breakdown

For those of you that have sessioned with me, you know that my play space is impeccably clean. The floors don’t mop themselves, and since you might be literally kissing the ground I walk on, I want to make sure that there’s no unwanted gunk on them.
Before a session, I re-clean the toys that I’m planning on using. For those that’ve already done sessions with me, did you notice that I generally have everything sitting out and I’m not rummaging around in drawers looking for things? There’s a reason for that! Everything that touches your body has been thoroughly cleaned beforehand.
And then my hair, makeup, and outfit because I want to look as gorgeous when you show up as I do in my photos and videos.
Cleaning up after the session also takes considerable time. My playroom often looks like a tornado came through at the end of a good session. Everything that I’ve used in the session needs to be cleaned before I put it away, then again the floors, the door handles, and the equipment need to be cleaned (yes, both before AND after a session).
FemDom fetish prix dominatrice

Our training

We aren’t born knowing how to manipulate a single tail whip safely. Being able to understand how to lead a submissive into subspace using only a look or a few words takes years to learn. Knowing how to care for someone who is living an incredibly intense moment takes emotional stability and knowledge.
Most of us had extensive training prior to starting in the business of professional Domination, either as a lifestyle and/or training with other pros. Personally, I had nearly a decade of experience of BDSM before going pro. I attended events (and still do), I watched other people play, I read endless books and articles not only on how to safely practice, but also the psychology behind what we do. I invested in online and in-person workshops, attended festivals, and asked questions. I still do, and continue to perfect my knowledge through various means.

The value of my time

Highly skilled work is expensive, regardless of what field we’re talking about. If you need the roof replaced on your house, you can get it done cheaply, but is it going to have problems in the future? You can get a cheap haircut, but are you going to cringe each time you look in the mirror?
Many people tell me that if I lowered my rate, I would get more bookings. This may be true, but I want quality and not quantity, and I think that the clients that come to see me feel the same way. What I provide is a luxury service, and I charge what I feel I am worth. I am offering my intimate energy (along with all the things I listed previously) and if you want access to that, you need to adapt to my requests.
Is visiting a pro Domme only for the rich? Absolutely not, but it is for the highly motivated and dedicated. Some of my clients save up for months to come spend a few hours with me, and I love that. It shows that they are willing to make sacrifices to have an experience that will stay with them for a long time.  

Final note

I didn’t write this article to justify my prices. I wrote it for those of you who take for granted the work that we do. What I hope is that maybe a few of you out there will quit thinking that sex work is easy money. I think that most of my clients already understand the pride I take in my work and understand that it is just that: work. It’s a job that I love, even the parts that are less fun and glamorous. I’m fortunate to be able to make a living doing something I’m passionate about. Not everyone can say that, regardless of the sector that they work in.
For those of you that appreciate all that we do both in and out of session, you are precious and we adore you.

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Inanna Justice, Dominatrix in Paris

Inanna Justice, Dominatrice à Paris

Inanna Justice BDSM prix dominatrice dominatrix

Inanna Justice, Paris Dominatrix

Getting Started in BDSM: Essential Toys

Getting Started in BDSM: essential toys

Are you just starting out in the marvellous world of BDSM and overwhelmed by all of the intricate toys that are available? I wrote an article on household items a while back, and I invite you to re(read) that if you haven’t already. You’ve played with laundry pegs, ice cubes, and other things that you can find around the house, and now you’re ready to start investing in some BDSM gear. Here’s a short list of my recommendations. 

As I’ve said many times in my articles, it’s always better to invest in quality rather than quantity. Make sure you’re using body-safe toys (surgical steel, medical-grade silicone, etc.). You’ll be much happier to have a few quality items and not a drawerful of crap that you’re not proud of (and that can potentially be dangerous).  

That said, some of these items are really inexpensive on sites like AliExpress/Wish. More on that as you continue reading. 

Don’t forget about hygiene! Wash your toys before and after every use, even if you only have one partner. Use a medical-grade cold sterilising solution to ensure that everything is as clean as possible. Condoms are relatively cheap and help save time with cleanup. Don’t be shy using them. 

Without further ado, here are some recommendations on BDSM basics: 

Sensory play toys

Sensory play can range from a feather brushing across the skin to more intense electric stimulation. There are really endless possibilities, and I love to watch the goosebumps appear when I do sensory play. 

One of my favorite all-time toys is my Wartenberg wheel. Actually, I have a collection of them because I love them so much. It was initially designed as a device to test nerve reactions, but is now a commonly seen object in BDSM kits. Depending on where you use it and how much pressure you apply, the sensations range from a little tickle to quite painful. 

Collar and leash 

A staple in any BDSM kit. Placing a collar on your sub can be a very intimate moment, a physical symbol of the bond between the two of you, be that for an hour or for a lifetime. 

It can also be a good way to signal to your partner that it’s play time, much like when we put on beautiful lingerie (yes, men can wear lingerie, too!), light candles, and put Barry White on the stereo. It’s a way of communicating to your partner that you would like some naughty time. 

During play, a collar and leash can be a practical way to direct your sub around the dungeon. Depending on the force you use (and the type of collar), it’s quite effective.

I often use collars for predicament bondage, where my submissive is forced to, for example, stand on their tiptoes or risk having the discomfort of the collar pulling tightly around his neck. BEWARE, this is potentially very dangerous and you should not do this unless you are fully aware of the risks. 

Collars and leashes lend easily to pet play, one of my favorite things recently. Bark, boy! 

Impact toys

It’s no secret that I’m a sadist, so these are perhaps my favorite instruments. I have a huge collection of crops, tawses, floggers, canes, paddles, whips, and other devices to hit you with. 

I highly recommend Caresse de Cuir who makes a variety of beautiful impact toys. You can find my Wishlist on their site if you want to contribute to my ever-growing collection. 

This is one department that I would really recommend you buying the best quality you can afford from the get-go. You’ll likely be very disappointed if you order from some random mass-produced website. 

JOUETS BDSM DOMINA

A few toys from Caresse de Cuir.

Penetration toys 

I love my huge collection of dildos, but not everyone can afford to purchase (and store) so many. 

Butt plugs, often called rosebuds, are great fun. There are many types, including connected plugs that can be controlled with an application or set to music. 

Again, be sure that you’re purchasing things that are body-safe and be sure to clean them properly between uses, even if you only have one partner. 

pegging anal play

Inanna Justice with a strap-on.

Gags 

Who doesn’t love a gag? At the very least, it muffles the pleas of a suffering sub. Depending on what type of gag you use, it can restrict breathing (again, be very careful with this type of edge play), provoke salivation, or widen the mouth to insert other things such as my lady cock.

I can’t say it enough: buy quality. This thing is going into your body and you need to be able to thoroughly clean it between uses. 

Hoods/blindfolds 

Here is one area that you don’t have to invest in expensive items, although you will likely find yourself doing so as you become more and more experienced with sensory deprivation. 

I have a bunch of lycra hoods that I purchase off of sites like Wish or AliExpress. They’re inexpensive, I can wash them in the machine at high temperatures, and when they get worn out, I just throw them away. 

Of course, I also have leather, latex, and faux leather hoods, but I love sensory deprivation and always want to have many options available. 

Same with blindfolds. You can use a scarf or a sleep mask if you’re just starting to build your collection, or you can invest in intricate leather blindfolds that keep all the light out. 

Restraints 

A sturdy set of leather (or vegan leather) handcuffs and ankle cuffs are indispensable in your BDSM toolkit. You can attach limbs together or to the wall/ceiling, place your sub in uncomfortable positions, or simply ensure that they won’t wiggle around too much while you’re playing with them. I am not a fan of metal handcuffs as they can be really painful, and not in the good way. Leather is sturdy and generally won’t leave marks even when playing rough. 

essential toys

Nipple play 

This is another thing that you don’t necessarily have to spend a lot of money on at first. You can find decent nipple clamps on Wish and AliExpress to begin. There are a variety of styles, including the popular Japonix style, or with two metal rods that you fasten together with rubber bands. 

If you’re into extreme nipple play, you can find weighted nipple clamps on BDSM specialty sites. 

Final note 

You can build a good collection with a limited budget, but always be conscious of items that are being inserted into the mouth, anus, or vagina. If you don’t have an autoclave, use a product like Steranios for cold sterilisation, available on any medical supply website. 

Above all, stay healthy and keep it kinky! 

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How to Avoid Scams

How to Avoid Scams

We often talk about client screening, but I think it’s important that clients also screen Dommes to help avoid getting scammed. When a sub is scammed, it hurts ALL reputable professionals. I talked about some of these things in another article, but they bear repeating.

As most of you know, I feel it’s my duty to educate people to the best of my ability (based on my own personal experiences and opinions, of course), regardless of whether you decide to apply to session with me or another Dominatrix. 

So how can you be sure that you are going to have a great experience when you finally take the plunge and reach out to a professional Dominatrix?

Here are some tips.

avoid scam

Social media presence

Is she active on multiple social media platforms? Most reputable Dommes have at least a FetLife account, plus Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and often an OnlyFans or LoyalFans site. How long has she been on these sites? Does she always post the same things or does she show a variety of settings? Are all of her posts along the lines of “pay, you worthless pig” or does she also post about other subjects? Does she engage with her community? Does she have a lot of other well-known Dommes that follow her? 

Does the experience that she claims to have align with her social media presence? If she says she has years of experience but started her Twitter two months ago, be wary (we do get deleted, so that is sometimes a factor, but a reputable Domme can quickly rebuild a decent following).

Verification videos are worthless. Go through her timeline and look at what she’s posted over the years. This will also give you a better idea of who you are becoming involved with. 

Photos 

Are all of her photos in the same three lingerie ensembles? Does she have high-quality fetish wear Even if you’re not a fetishist, pay attention to that. Any Domme that has invested in her business has several vinyl/latex/leather pieces that she will at least occasionally show off in her pictures, and I find it’s a good indication that she’s serious. 

Does she have pictures of her play space? Even Dommes that session at home have invested in quality furniture. How about her toys? If it looks like her flogger came from AliExpress, it’s probably not a good sign. Side note, this reminds me that I need to take some pictures of the new additions to The Justice Room!   

Does she show herself in a variety of settings? Most pro Dommes attend play parties and other events, visit other dungeons, session with other Mistresses, etc. If she only has photos of herself in one setting, she probably doesn’t have a lot of experience. 

Are there pictures of her in street clothes/outside of the dungeon? Yes, we use social media primarily to market our brand, but most of us will show a candid pic once in a while of our interests outside of the dungeon. Those of you that follow me on Twitter know that my timeline is filled with pictures of food and travel, two of my other passions. 

Please note, just because she doesn’t show her face doesn’t mean that she’s not real. Even the best of us have reasons that we don’t do so including personal security, to protect our loved ones, or any number of other factors. I know several amazing Dommes around the world that like their privacy and don’t want to be identified in the street. That doesn’t mean that they’re not exceptional Dominatrix’s. 

Website 

If she doesn’t have a website, it’s a huge red flag. It is our storefront, our boutique. It doesn’t necessarily have to be complex, but it should at least include her location, her screening requirements, various photographs (again, in different settings with good equipment), and her preferred practices. Even if she doesn’t do real time sessions, she should probably have a website. 

There are some great younger Dommes that only use social media to attract submissives. Again, this is just one factor in determining her “real-ness.” If she’s on lots of different social media sites and not setting off other red flags, it may be that she has attracted enough clients to not need one yet. 

Screening 

While you’re screening your future Domme, be aware of her standards in screening, as well. 

How does she communicate with potential new clients? If it’s only snapchat, WhatsApp, or DM’s on social media websites, red flag. Most of us prefer email followed by a phone/video call.

Deposits 

Most professionals require deposits, especially for real-time sessions, but if there are some red flags in other areas and she asks for 100% deposit for her first session with you, run for the hills! If you’re not sure, ask if she offers paid social time. Pay for a video chat of 10 or 15 minutes before engaging in a multi-hour session that could cost hundreds or even thousands of dollars. It hurts a lot less to lose 50€ than it does to lose 1000€.

Does she offer multiple options for taking deposits? If she only uses one platform (CashApp, for example), be wary. I have two different payment processors available to take credit cards, plus many, many other options available. This is true for most of my pro-Domme friends. 

First interactions 

Did she offer you a slave contract right from the beginning? Red flag. 

Did she contact you? Red flag. No decent professional chases subs, they come to us.

Did she engage in play immediately without getting paid? Red flag. A good Domme won’t start calling you names until she has received some sort of compensation first (and established limits!). Until that point, it’s business only. For example, if you contact me for a session, I am very polite and businesslike. I state the facts, I don’t get into details of what I’m going to do to you when we play. We discuss limits, set a date, and you pay a deposit. From there, I will start some teasing, but never before. If she comes into your DM’s calling you names right from the get-go, you’ve likely found a scammer. 

Bonus points 

  • Website history. One of my clients goes so far as to look at archive.org to see how long her website has been around. This is great for establishing how long she’s been working as a professional Domme. (Thanks for the tip, O.)
  • Testimonials of other clients. This can be on her webpage (although can easily be falsified) where she posts what her subs have written about her. Look for a diversity of writing styles if it’s on her website. You can also find sex-worker review sites in your area.  
  • A blog. If she takes the time to write once in a while, it shows that she’s willing to put in some work to show what she knows.
  • Passion. Does she seem invested in what she does? 
  • Practices. These should align with yours. 
  • Safety. Does she seem concerned about the well-being of her clients? This is of course super important in the dungeon, but even for online play, she should know how to establish boundaries. 

Final note 

Use good judgement. If something sounds too good to be true, it probably is. You get what you pay for, so don’t hesitate to invest in quality. Meeting a pro Domme is expensive, but it creates memories that you will cherish for a long time. Take the time to do your research so that those memories are positive and not you kicking yourself for making a bad choice.

 

avoid scams Dominatrix

 

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