Meow cookie and yoga block

Note from Inanna Justice:
Often when we think of a BDSM session, we have a rather serious image in mind: a strict woman, a submissive on her knees, a dark place. Although I do plenty of sessions in this setting, I always adapt to the person in front of me. Not everyone is looking for seriousness every time we play 🙂

On this strike day, I'm standing in front of Inanna's. I have no idea what to expect. I have no idea what to expect. Since yesterday I've been wondering what I want.

Do I want to be afraid...? Yes, as always! Apart from that, I'd like to have fun! But mostly I want to feel contained. 

Not necessarily through bondage; although I did, a little; but through connecting with the lady in front of me. These last few weeks have been a little complicated for me personally. I've already let go! But right now I need an iron fist in a velvet glove. A kind of gentle firmness, or cruel gentleness, that would make me feel good and small at the same time.

Yesterday I was looking forward to seeing Inanna and playing! This morning, however, I woke up with a stomachache; and my period had nothing to do with it, for once! I had a stress stomachache. It's funny: before, I was afraid of what she might do to me, of running into a crazy woman who would really hurt me. Now that I know her better, I'm no longer afraid that she's a crazy person who'll really hurt me. No... I'm scared because I know she's a crazy person who's going to hurt me, period.

10:53 a.m... I'm waiting in front of the dungeon and I can't stand it any longer, so I text to ask if I can come up.

"OK

I go upstairs... with a bit of a lump in my stomach, but also a little happy to be back in this place which is starting to look more and more familiar to me.

On the fourth floor, I knock on the door. A short delay before Madame opens the door... 

She's a cat!

I wasn't expecting it and burst out laughing. She greets me with a "Meow" as I enter the room. She starts scratching and cuddling me, like a cat on my shoulder; I welcome her claws and caresses and smile at her, resuming my giggling.

The emotion of the welcome over, we chat for a good while before I migrate to the bathroom to begin this new session. The fact that we'd been talking made me feel relaxed, even if throughout the discussion I felt that I wasn't quite in my right mind.

Shower over, I knock on the door and wait on my knees. 

She was in the dungeon when I knocked: I hear her coming from a distance and open the door. The first thing I see; apart from her: 

She's got a balaclava and a mask in her hand! 

Second thing: her hand goes to my left breast. It's a habit; I smile, she smiles, the connection is made and she pulls the hood over my head before denying me the view. 

She starts playing the cat again. I smile. 

"Meow! I love cookies! Do you like cookies?" she says, miming cat paws drumming on my chest. What a cat! It looks more like a tigress's or a lioness's paws, given the strength, but... yes, I like cookies! Even if it hurts a lot right now.

"Get up, follow me with your hand on my shoulder." I follow her to the dungeon, deprived of my senses. Once in the room, I feel ropes rasping across my chest and body; she drops the ropes at my feet; I jump! 

She laughs, "I don't need to do anything with you!"

"It's too easy," I said, smiling at my own reactions.

She picks up the ropes and starts roping my chest and ribcage. I really love the feel of the ropes on my skin. I don't like it so much when her hands are drawn to my nipples all the time, or when she pulls with a sharp tug, nearly knocking me over. This beginning of play is at once sensual, containing and painful. Now she begins to tie my hands and raise them above my head. The ties on my left hand are too tight; I try to turn my hand while she continues to squeeze my chest to see if I can get a better position. No! I think that in just 30 seconds there will be no blood circulation in this hand.

 I'm going to tell her... just then she lowers my hands to modify the fastener:

 "I'm starting your hands again, you're going to stay a long time like that!" I love that so much! It's what's made me feel so safe playing with her so quickly. It seems like a hardly remarkable detail, but she never forgets safety: she regularly checks the warmth of my hands when we're playing in potentially dangerous positions. I know that, behind the fun and feigned cruelty, she'll never let me get into anything really dangerous. Seeing this helps me enormously to let go and forget my fears. I like the fact that she makes me believe I'm in danger, because I know she's in complete control of that danger, even if there's no such thing as zero risk.

Here I am, tied to the ceiling, feeling ropes around my body and head. Having not seen the dungeon since the beginning, I don't really know where I am; I've lost track of the space around me. Still, I try to orientate myself by the sound it makes. 

What will she do to me now? 

She gags me, then turns around... 

BOUM!!

I'm startled! She hit something to scare me! It's working!

"Well, I'll let you think for hours! I'm off!" She leaves the room.

I'm not very patient, especially as I can still move my lower body; very soon I start to fidget a little.

 "Roh, contain yourself Justine! She'll be back!"

I can hear him coming back. 

Of course you can hear her coming back, she's not going to leave you there like that! What's that psychopathic metallic noise? Knives? No! Probably claws? It's a cat!

"Humm, hummm..." that's me moaning in pain at the scraping of her grills on my body, my buttocks and especially my breasts. 

As usual, she dwells a lot on my left breast, except that today it's more painful than the right one: it was already throbbing slightly this morning. I moan a lot and then catch myself laughing; hearing myself laugh makes me feel better even if it hurts, so it all turns into a mixture of laughter and moaning.

"I like it when you moan and laugh at the same time," she says, playing with the clamps she's put on my breasts. I moan and laugh harder. 

"You look like a little girl playing! You think you're in the schoolyard! You're having fun."

Yes, I'm having fun! It hurts but I'm having fun! Otherwise I wouldn't come! How crazy do you have to be to come just to be in pain? - What do you mean, I'm coming for that? - Oh no... not just that!"

A noise... a blow on the buttocks with an unidentified leather object.

"Um... nice!"

"No, Justine! Not nice! It's supposed to hurt you!"

Several blows to the buttocks.

"Ah that I like!"

"Yeah, wait, she's not done with your boobs!"

"Ouch!!!"

"See, I told you!"

The claws lacerate my skin! It's both pleasant and painful.

"You did something stupid last time Justine! Don't you remember? You said you wouldn't accept your punishment! Are you going to accept it now?"

Oh that's mean! She's using Sophie's nonsense on video! Hm... nasty but funny! Anyway, I can't answer her with my gag over my mouth!

"But you're too small! So I've decided I'm going to make you bigger! I'm going to spread your limbs so that you become very big!"

I can already see myself being tortured until my legs become elastic!

"Stand on your tiptoes!"

Oh dear, I'm scared!

Phew! It's okay; she's just decided to make me bigger: I find myself wearing a pair of makeshift yoga block sandals taped to my feet!

The pain returns. She laughs, twists my breast, then asks, "Is this one tender today?" I nod.

"Oh... we'll leave her alone for a while... for now..."

"Yes!" Well rather... "hummmm...", I still have the gag. 

Don't believe her for a moment! I know it: in just two minutes she's going to hurt him again. 

She gradually unties me, then removes the mask that prevented me from seeing. I'm still wearing my gag and hood. I can feel that I've been slobbering all over myself, but she hasn't decided to take it off yet. The dungeon finally appears, along with Madame's mischievous gaze. 

"Have you seen how big you are?" She now ties my feet and ankles together.

"Now walk!"

Um... OK, she's got a bit of humiliation planned! There's a rebellious Justine in me who hates it, and she's going head-to-head with the one who thinks it's really, really funny. It's the one who thinks it's funny who wins, although the other one keeps a close eye on things. You never know... 

I'm starting to walk slowly.

"Oh my! You're so clumsy! You look like a guy the first time you put him on heels!"

"Moui, the heels aren't a problem; it's the chains that are the worry!"

"Roh, they're on wrong! We'll redo them..."

" Moui we could decide to remove them - You're dreaming, baby!"

Once my new-fashioned sandals were securely fastened, Madame noticed the extent of the drooling damage to my gag! In her great generosity, she finally decides to remove it and the hood, and even wipes my face!

"Walk! Go around the room!"

Here I am, perfectly ridiculous, circling the room while she encourages me to go faster, like a pony with a riding crop in his hand every time I get within reach! Seeing her laugh calms the sadist in my head who was inventing the best possible means of revenge... But in the end I laugh too.

STOP! 

I'm stopping. 

Pinching my breasts! 

"Biscuit, cookie, cookie !!!!" his paws reappeared.

"Help !!!! It hurts!!!"

"See, I told you she wouldn't leave your boob alone!"

And here come her claws again. She must have heard me when I thought I wanted an iron fist, she literally has an iron fist! I'm still waiting for the velvet glove though... ! 

"Go stand against the wall!"

I'm a bit confused, I feel my brain is gradually switching off... So I head for the wrong wall; she redirects me.

 "I'm going to cane you, but first we've got to warm your ass up a bit... I'm not the type to cane you cold, me!" 

My gaze and hers speak volumes about the extent of this lie...

She ties me to the wall, arms crossed, and sticks a 50-cent coin to the wall.

"You'll see, it'll be fun! At least for me... (no, for me too!) We'll put it on for 10 minutes and see how many times it falls... You'll be punished for every time it falls."

She's barely put it on when the damn coin drops!

"Hey well it's going to be a long one!"

"Yes Ma'am! Pardon Madame!"

The coin is put back in place... it slips on my nose, I can't hold it in place... and it falls again. Twice... three times... 

"I can't do it, my nose is too soft!"

"Is your nose too soft?"

"Yes... it's all squishy, it won't hold!"

"Are you kidding me?"

"But no, not at all! It's really soft!"

She laughs at my stupidity, which is perfectly true. Ah ahah. 

The coin stops falling... and Madame is now playing tom-tom on my body with increasingly heavy and friendly swifts! 

Hmm... it's so nice...

She now takes a riding crop... 

hum, it's less fun!

"Put your boob in profile like this so I can touch it!" I scream! 

"There, that's better!"

Hm... it's really not so nice!

Hey, the coin's stuck to your chin! That's cheating! You pressed so hard that it's holding on by itself! I saw it!

"Oh boy! But that's not fair."

She puts it back on my too soft nose... it falls off!

"Justine, you really suck!"

I laugh and nod yes. It's the first time in my life someone has told me I suck and it makes me happy! We look at each other and give each other a micro head hug, like two cats at play. 

The coin will fall twice more after that... because my madness sometimes makes me laugh when I'm hit a little too hard, and that makes the device fall.

She's now setting up my next place of torment while I wait... She's now untying me; we're looking at each other intently. I love these moments of transition when we look at each other! I'm drowning in this gaze that sums up everything we're doing without a single word. It's intense, brilliant, luminous and a little crazy. I used to run away from his gaze, but now I seek it out at times, trying to convey everything I'm feeling in mine, as I'm gradually losing my ability to speak. My hands are untied, but my makeshift sandals and ankle chains are still there to get me around. I have to lean on this new hanging swing. 

It's quite comfortable... but now it's time to pay with Madame's canes for my too-soft nose! I'm getting hit 6 by 6 with each new cane, sometimes spaced out, sometimes less! Despite the symbolism this object represents for me and the pain of the striations on my buttocks with each blow, I can't help but be happy. I think it's the first time that the intensity feels right when I start up, and that the nutcase in me doesn't say to herself:

 "Well, I'm not made of sugar! You've got to hit harder!

She understood that I wasn't made of sugar! ( Moui I think I'm far too docile at the moment, so I provoke in this writing ...) 

"You make me want to exercise even more!"

" Um... if my ass can be used to perfect itself, I'm dedicated!"

Now she says she's going to whip me.

Um... okay! - She didn't ask your opinion either.

She picks up a pretty whip and says she hasn't used it much yet, cracking it... brrrr... And it begins... hum... this is all very pleasant... I feel great! He barely licks my skin, then my back, then my pelvis and buttocks again. Again, I'm amazed... and just when Miss Brat comes to me and says in my head:

 " Well, she's moving up a gear now!" 

I see her moving towards a leather whip. Can she hear me in my head or what? 

I'm laughing too! We understand each other.

"Yes, I prefer leather!"

"It was necessary to change the whip, I think!" 

"Indeed!" 

This one is much more scathing, and I hesitate between loving it and thinking that the other one was enough...

 Ooh, she's speeding up... Ooh, the intensity! Oh boy, does it hurt!

I feel like hundreds of tongues of fire are licking my body... 

My breathing intensifies... 

She stops, caresses my back and head, my breathing calms down and then she repeats this rhythm several times: 

blow - softness - check on my condition.

I'm doing great! I want her to go on! I want her to take me to the edge of the precipice...

She starts again... I breathe hard, very hard... in front of my eyes there's nothing but a balloon that I inflate and deflate with the strength of my mind... Yellow: it's deflated; blue: it's inflated... yellow - blue - yellow - blue... Aaarrrrr - yellow - blue!

On this swing, my body sways to the rhythm of the blows and the ball that inflates and deflates. 

Yellow - blue - yellow - blue! 

My legs start to shake: the ravine is close, but the balloon inflates and deflates, so I can't fall in. 

I become one with this ball and imagine Inanna becoming one with her whip... then one with her whip, my ball and me!

My right leg vibrates while my left accompanies the breath of this yellow and blue ball to the rhythm of the swing and the lashings. 

Yellow - blue - yellow - Shlak! 

The whip blade stops, Madame returns to me; she gently touches my back, then my hair... the balloon has flown away in a cloud with all my thoughts. I feel so good. She unties me little by little; I stand up when she asks me to. I have no more thoughts. She could tell me to go dancing naked outside in the snow (okay, there's no snow, but use your imagination!) and I would. My sandals come off. And Madame hugs me on the back. She makes me laugh, but my brain's gone and I'm not printing anymore. I can't remember, but I know I want to say back, "Thank you, Madame!" And laugh at the same time! She understands and says it for me: "Thank you, Madame!" she says, laughing.

"You're taking it super well... um... I don't know but right now I can feel the tears rising and the cane + whip combo is sending me the signal: aftercare needed!"

We look at each other and hug. I cling to her like a lifeline and whisper into the hollow of her shoulder, "Thanks, that was great!"

"You said what?"

"I said: thank you, that was great!"

"Thanks to you...Well now we're off to something more intense!". Ah ah! She never stops mindfucking, I love it!

She puts away what we've just used while I run off to get a drink. Stepping out of the dungeon for ten seconds and having a drink helps me come to my senses. She's got cellophane in her hand and there I am, like a worm wrapped in it, on the floor. She looks down at me and climbs on top of me! Oh boy, I forgot how much I love it when she does that! 

Ouch! Ouch! Ouch... yes, that too, but less! Ouch!

She puts a gag in my mouth and a new hood, then picks up a badine and now proceeds to rhythmically slap the front of my thighs.

"Do you want me to put on some Queen? I know you like it."

I'm not responding to this teasing, which brings back a "horrible" memory. 

Oh, I'm going to have bruises! Yes !

She lets me enjoy the bondage a little... she's next to me but I've got chains on my body... Anchoring express! my brain reignites at lightning speed! It's done this to me once before! A thousand billion thoughts rush through me at once; it's strange, there are so many, I can barely hold on to them... 

Inanna walks away, then comes back... she puts something around my neck...

a necklace? It's true that I haven't had one since the beginning... Why? Start of session flash : because you're not a submissive? ...Mouais it depends, after the whipping session, I'm at 3000 % there - where do we kneel?! - And it's a symbol! Because she was going to use ropes and that's impractical? Because blah blah blah and blah blah blah... and blah blah blah blah.... one idea leads to another...

Because we don't care Justine! Concentrate on the one she's putting there!

It's a necklace, all right! Why a necklace at the end of the session... oh it swells!!! She's strangling me! There you go! It's not just any necklace! Flash of her with that necklace around her neck in a video, flash of me looking at it and thinking "Oh that's so cool!!!" Yes, it's so cool, until she decides to put it on me! 

Am I scared? No, not at all! It's surprising, but absolutely not. I'm in complete trust, I can't see her but I can feel her beside me; she's in physical contact with me, I'm both pleased by the bondage and soothed by the connection with her... there's the velvet glove. Even with my eyes closed, I can't see her, but I can feel her... she's inflating and deflating this collar on my neck... and I'm gradually leaving with her... she's now changing my gag! Oh!!! He's puffing himself up too ! Both at the same time! I feel like I'm going to suffocate. A little bit sometimes!

She ironically tells me something I've forgotten because my brain has shut down again... I reply as she deflates. "Yes, that's great," with all the irony I can muster with this contraption in my mouth. She laughs and inflates again. Sometimes I barely have time to catch my breath before she inflates it again... I can't feel my body under the weight of the chains, even when she's adding more. It's a moment that's hard to describe, because it's both a connection between us, even though I'm deprived of my senses, and a gentle intensity.

She ends up taking everything off me... climbs on top of me and has fun causing me little pains on oral pressure points. 

"I didn't tell you I was a dentist!" 

Ahah! She was a doctor of medicine earlier for some reason! 

No more! She brings me a plaid. I'm still lying on the floor. She asks me if I'm all right. Yes... She's looking after me. 

"You're making me hungry!"

"Uh... is she talking about food? Or does she want to eat me?" 

We chat for a while and I gradually feel the tears welling up. My body knows it's over. I don't hold them back, but they don't come out.

"Do you want to be left alone for a while?"

"The problem is that as soon as I'm alone, I'm going to cry. 

She reassures me. Even if it wasn't the crying that was the problem, but the fact that for the moment I still need her to go outside to activate the tears and that I know the second they come out I'm going to need a hug. It also bothers me to stop her from starting to tidy up, because that's her way of getting back down. She walks out of the room and, as if pressing a button: "Cry now!" The tears begin to flow! I cry softly... my tears begin to intensify as she walks past me. She's wearing the donkey mask on her head that I gave her when I arrived! I wasn't expecting it and I burst out laughing!

"Geez! I'm crying and I can't even cry! It's so funny!"

"What? Ah, you thought you'd given me this for submissives? No, I didn't! I'm going to put it on!"

I laugh harder. She's strong; I feel good again. I get up and we hug one last time.

I feel great! Really good... too good... even if disconnected from reality. This feeling of well-being lasts until it's time to go to sleep. The next morning, however... my second shower since playing. I notice marks I hadn't seen the day before, such as a scratch on my side. I smile! I get ready for work and ouch... I want to cry and curl up in bed! Ohhh the beautiful late subdrop! Now's not the time, I've got to go to work.

Come on, Justine! You know, it happens! All is well! Life is good! Music blasting in the car... hyperfocus at work and it'll be better tomorrow! And it was much better the next day! Much, much better! It was worth it!

Answer to the question: what did you like best about this session (modified answer)?

It's not the whip! It's not the pain! It's not the bondage! It's the fact that I felt what I wanted to feel without having to communicate it. Because I know that means a beautiful connection has been made.