Inannapoly

10:12 a.m.: I get off the train and head toward an ATM at Gare de l’Est. I’m short half the amount I need to send to Inanna Justice. First ATM: out of service… no big deal—I know there’s another one at the other end. Second ATM: out of service… Oh man!! Well, I'll go after I get off the subway… Could I have seen it coming? Of course! Did I? Of course not! I get off the subway… cash in hand, I open the envelope and quickly stuff the bills inside. This is pretty rare for me—I’m always at Inanna’s ten hours early—but not this time. I’m five minutes early when I arrive at the door. At least that saves me from panicking while I wait… I’m standing in front of the door. After climbing five flights of stairs, I knock… I wait thirty seconds, and the door opens slowly. The woman behind the door is wearing leather… she greets me with a:

— Are you crazy?
 — Yes…
 — Well, I didn't hear it. You probably didn't knock hard enough…

- Um… or maybe you can't hear anything… No, don't say that! Don't even start!

We're talking… The lady says to me:

— All right then, since you've decided we're doing what I want! Are you ready? Are we playing Scrabble today?
 — Okay!

She laughs… 

 — Well, after all, why not! A BDSM version of Scrabble would be right up my alley!

— Hey, have you ever played Innanapoly?
 — No…
 — Let's do it! I always win…
 — That's what the game is designed for!
 — No… but how am I supposed to play… yes!

At that moment, I laugh… I love to play, so let's go!

— Time for a shower!

All right… I'll put that darn envelope—the one that almost made me late—on the table.

But why go into such detail about this money business? First of all, because none of the stories I read ever act as if it didn't exist, but above all… it's because of what's coming next!

Once I'm all clean, I knock on the bathroom door while kneeling. She opens the door… with my envelope in her hand!

— What are these bills?

It's true that playing the Monopoly remake really gets under her skin! They're all upset…

I explain that I went to the ATM just before… 

— They're not the right way around!

• But who cares! 

She throws the bills at me in the bathroom.

In my head, I bite my cheek to keep from saying the line that pops into my head right away:

- Thank you, ma'am, for giving me this money! Shut up!

— Pick it up…

I reach out my hand.

— Not like that!… With your feet.

I'm on my knees… I've never been allowed to get back up. So I start twisting my knees to grab the bills with my feet and put them in the right order! It's such a hassle!

She's making fun of me… she also says she gets a nice view when I spread my legs… weirdly enough, I don't care at all! I'm already getting annoyed at the tickets that won't flip over!

— I wouldn't have done it that way! You're not making any effort! I don't matter to you, is that it!
 — No way! I'm trying!

She points out that I'm pretty but not smart. It doesn't bother me at all. No, it annoys me that I'm not successful, but I don't measure my intellectual abilities by my ability to flip bills with my toes! Should I? Maybe…

She finally said to me:

— Oh, there's so much to do here! I'll show you!

She's more skilled than I am—no doubt about it! However, I point out to her that she's standing up!

— I never gave you that instruction! You made it up on your own!

Yeah, that’s true… that said, there’s another rule for people like me who get spanked: don’t get up without permission. It’s an unspoken rule that I never even questioned… Maybe that was the point? I don’t think so… That said, it must have made her laugh not to tell me I could get up!

I'm up, but I don't really feel much better! This all seems to be taking forever!

— Do you realize I'm not doing anything right now?
 — Yeah, I know!
 — (…)
 — I should have used my credit card!

Besides, that's not true! She was just messing around, making a breeze right before that and turning the light on and off several times in rhythm.

Some of the bills got creased from being handled so much!

— I don't want them to be bent!

- An insult in my head!

But I step on them to unfold them…

— As far as humiliation goes, that's pretty bad!

• Yeah, right… it's not like I'm going to end up with tickets that smell like feet! Shut up, Justine!

They’re finally standing more or less straight after putting up with my signs of irritation, which made Madame laugh.

— Pick them up and give them to me.

I make sure to organize them neatly before giving them to her, which makes her smile, but there’s no way I’m going to let her find an excuse to hassle me even more about the bills.

I am now "Madame" even in the dungeon.

An Inannapoly game board is set up on the cage. It’s a very nice board, full of squares with challenges, two dice, and chance cards. She explains the rules to me. I listen to her…

First die: it's for moving forward.

Second die…

In my head: It's to back up!

— Is that for the number of strokes or the duration of the practice…

Oh, okay.

The goal is to reach the end with money left over, without using a SW. I get to use one wild card. There are «Go Back to Start» squares, but she thinks there are too many, so she covers up a few of them and replaces them with: “Slave’s Choice.” That’s me! 

Where I'll choose whatever practice I want!

This game is really well-made.

She tells me that the game is still pretty gender-biased: «I’m playing with a man,» so if I land on certain squares, she’ll adjust accordingly.

She said to me:

— If I win, I'll treat you to dinner! And if you lose… what are you going to treat me to?

I laugh! It's obvious that I'm going to lose, it's just as obvious that I'm going to suffer, and now, on top of that, I have to give him something. I don't answer him…

We look at each other intently. 

She turns off the music.

His probing gaze is starting to make me uncomfortable!

— So… what's your answer?
 — Isn't it nice to have me here?

Oh, come on, that doesn't seem to be enough!

She’s already letting me know that, on top of that, there will be penalty points for any insolence. She’s writing these little sticks on her Post-it note.

I'm smiling! It cracks me up when she does that!

I'll suggest a restaurant, too. That's not enough for him. 

 — I mentioned something a little while ago in the next room!
 — But we talked about so many things!
 — It's not my problem if you didn't pay attention!

- Grrrrr… I can't think of anything! She didn't mention a single thing she wanted! Just stuff she bought… Well, actually, she must have said something… Yeah, there was definitely something…

I'll take the dice and roll them.

— No, just one die!
 — Huh?
 — Okay, so you didn't listen to me!
 — But what if…
 — I told you: the first die is for moving forward.
 — And the second one is for backing up.
 — No way! It's the number of strokes!

Oh yeah, gosh, that's right! That's what she said! I was the one who thought it was for backing up!

Damn attention problems that make me forget all the instructions!

And it's not going to happen just once! Every time I get a new instruction, I mess everything up! I even go so far as to forget to roll the second die!

— You’re not listening to anything! (…) You haven’t listened to anything yet! 

But when I listen… my mind just wanders off somewhere else right after…

I know… it's a pain!

I came across the «Wall» square. So I have to get into the Wall position against the wall—so far, so good…

— I don't know if you've noticed, but there are some toys in the room.
 — Yeah, I saw that.

Well, yeah, I saw that… I gave her that toy for her birthday! It’s a little looped cane… Why did I give her that? It hurts like hell! And even more so on unprepared skin!

— Are we going to do this for 5 minutes or 5 rounds?

I don't react.

“As you wish, ma’am…” she said to me. “For that, it’ll be five minutes.”.

— Pfff… Either way, whether I spoke or not, it would have taken five minutes.

— Ohhh, how rude! I'm adding a penalty point!

I pretend to protest, but it makes me laugh.

— Aaahhhh! Ouch! Oohhhh!!

She's having the time of her life.

— I'd rather use a cane than this thing! Ouch, ouch, ouch!!! That hurts!!! Ouch!

It seems to make her laugh to see me moaning and screaming that it hurts! Ouch!!!

— You'd rather use the cane? Are you sure?

I hesitate and say:

— Yes, ma'am!

— What a manipulator! 

— Ouch! Ow! Hmm! Oohhhh! Aiiieuh!!!

— Oh, look, Sophie's already here! Hi, Sophie!

— Hmm… hmm… hmmm… it’s true that my screams aren’t the same! It hurts, uh…

— Aren't you even checking the timer?

— No, I trust you!!!

The worst part is that it's true! I trust her completely, even though she's hitting me all over with that thing I was stupid enough to give her.

All right, that's it!

She hugs me and says:

— I'm not afraid to hurt you! That's why I'm hurting you! It's for your own good! I'm hurting you because I love you!

I look at her… torn between smiling, telling her that I love her too, and rolling my eyes! Not a toxic thing to say at all…

I'm rolling the dice again…: Ticking! Five more minutes… 

— You can only tickle me 5 times, or else!

• Come on, there goes another attitude point. Shut up, for heaven's sake!

She pushes me up against the wall so I'm facing her, and then she starts tickling me! Oh no, she's decided to use hypnosis… She wants to reinforce the fact that her thumb tickles me so, so, so much… and that just the mention of her thumb makes me laugh as if I were being tickled… not only during the session, but also afterward and even later on.

Am I laughing as I write this? Absolutely!

I'm laughing, I'm laughing, I'm laughing!

It tickles my body, and sometimes it hurts!

Wait, I haven't started on the feet yet!

I have to put my foot on a stool, and she tickles it at the same time as the rest of my body! It’s unbearable and so cool at the same time! I pull my foot away! Another attitude point… 

I head back to the game board, drenched in sweat from laughing so hard.

Let's roll the dice:

Straightjacket!

Hmm, I really like that!

I find myself in a straitjacket, suspended from the ceiling for a few minutes.

She said to me:

— Come on now, break free!

It's impossible, but it's so funny!

Now I've landed on a square: ball gag and 4!

I have to wear the gag for 4 turns!

She gets a kick out of hurting me when she puts it in, giving my breast a little tug while she's at it! Grrr…

Come on, let's roll the dice with a gag in our mouths!

«Starting Point,» which she replaced with «The Slave's Choice»...

Oh, I don't like that!

(Point 1.) If there’s one thing I really hate during a session, it’s being given a choice. Even if it’s between two instruments. First of all, because it instantly puts me in the position of the decision-maker, and I don’t want to be… in that position… maybe that’s a real sign that I’m not «just» a bottom after all.

A thousand things are going on inside me! First, a thousand ideas pop into my head! Then I look at the person in front of me and tell myself she won’t like those ideas. (Yes, yes—even the ones where I know she will!) Then I tell myself it’s not up to me to decide! Then I tell myself that I’m going to force them to do something they might not even want to do right now! Then I think about things that hurt! Then I tell myself I don’t want to feel pain! Then I tell myself I do! Then I tell myself that maybe it’s coming at the wrong time during the session! Then I tell myself that she’ll need to set things up, move furniture, go get something… that it’ll be disruptive. Then I think that maybe it’s a bad idea and, besides, it’s not up to me to decide! Then I stop thinking about anything, and nothing else comes to mind…

And the person waits… I’ve come across these panels so many times! It’s always the same process! Sometimes something just came out of my mouth, but—except for the first time—it wasn’t really what I’d thought of first! So in this story, the lady will find out what I actually thought of first each time!

And then assume that the string of thoughts mentioned earlier followed…

I motion for him to hit me.

She said to me:

— Spanking!

Oh no… I want to be slapped!

It's been way too long since anyone slapped me. I hate that! But I love… 

How could that have been a trigger for so long!?

I show him my cheek.

She looks surprised.

— Do you want me to slap you?

I nod yes! The second die lands on 4.

Oh, 4—that should be fine!

Face to face, she looks at me and SMACK!!!!!!

Oh my God!!! She's not faking it!

The second one almost knocks me out, and the third one reminds me that I have a jaw!

She's holding my neck—and therefore my head! I look her in the eyes while she slaps me!

— I feel like spitting on you when I see you like that!

- Do it!!!!!

(Yeah, I thought that! It still doesn't feel right inside my mouth… but on the outside, I'd take it…) 

She holds back, though, and slaps me a fourth time, which makes me feel vulnerable in a split second!

I'm heading back to the set feeling a little… well, pretty shaken up!

Now I've run into Femdom Tax! I owe her 500 Inannabillet. I've already lost quite a bit of money before because some of those boxes, on top of torturing me, were costing me money.

I'm waiting…

She said to me:

— It's your turn, right?

I'm just kidding… I don't know what I was expecting…

And here we go again: The slave's choice!

The first thing that comes to mind: electroplay…

Then… see point 1!

– You want me to choose for you! I’ve got plenty of ideas myself…– I don't doubt it!

Well…

I show him the cane because I still have my gag!

It still means I have to push everything… Darn!

Plus, I know Inanna so well now when we play that I can tell from the look in her eyes:

- Too soon! Save the cane for the end!

That just reinforces point 1. It's not up to me to decide!

Oh well, I said it…

She hit me five times with her cane!

 We turned everything upside down for just five shots…Clarification of point 1. 

I can take off the gag. Now I'm back at square one…

We're starting over from scratch, and on top of that, I owe money!

I roll the dice again: Ready to Please…

Hmm… I know that—it’s a position.

— Oh, no, that requires getting down on your knees. Do the chair pose instead.

— Hey, but I was fine with being on my knees!

— Insolence… one point deducted.

So I sit down, all the while crying out against the injustice in my head. 

And she keeps using her cane to annoy me!

— Tell me a story, Justine! It makes it easier to move the chair…

— It's Inanna Justice's story that's keeping me in a wheelchair and causing me pain!

— Tell me more about Inanna Justice, then…

— Uh... She's a mean lady!!

• Why did you say that? 

— Annnnnnnhhhhhh! One point off…

I'm laughing!

Once I checked again, I came across Femdom Tax once more! And it was down another 500. 

I'm out of money! I've officially lost!

But my wife still wants to play, so she's lending me 600 Inannabillet.

And heads up—I have to sign the loan agreement! It’s written on a torn piece of paper, but it’s still a contract. 

I'll sign it!

She said to me:

— You don't even know the terms of the loan…

Well, no… I didn't have a choice anyway!

Now I've come across *The Hands of the Goddess*.

She looks happy…

4 minutes.

- It lasted more than 4 minutes!

I sit down in front of her, and she starts massaging the back of my neck.

She calms me down… She presses on my heart and chest and tells me to calm down… I calm down. But I’m still hot… And she starts to choke me! Very quickly. Too quickly. I panic! I can’t catch my breath… and I’m suffocating! My reflexes kick in instantly. I pat her. I want to push her hands away… She speaks to me calmly. Tells me I’m safe…

I know that!

But I just can't help it.

No matter how much I tell myself I won't do that next time, I end up doing it anyway! It's a wonderful moment, though…

— Well, yeah, that's true! Such a great moment! Letting yourself be smothered!

— Good thing I'm here to stop you from doing that…

— But she's not going to smother me!

— But look! You're trying to catch your breath, and she's pressing even harder on your mouth and nose!!!

— Just a little longer… not now…

— Can you believe it!? You're dying, and she's still saying, "Just a little more"!!!! She's crazy!!! Get her hands off you!!!!

— Come on, it's Inanna!

She gives me a kiss on the head and massages me a little more.

It's choking me, too, but that's just a minor detail!

We'll get back up and keep playing!

I came across *Blindness*.

— You're going to have to trust me.

— Look at the set!

I'm looking... And suddenly she blocks my view!

— Go on, then: play!

I have to find the dice…

I find them and roll, hoping it's the right die. I roll a club.

Lucky Card!

I'm shooting: The slave's choice!

Oh no! 

She takes the card out. I draw another one.

She takes off my blindfold so I can read: *The Slave's Choice*! Oh my gosh!!!! She removes all the «Slave’s Choice» cards. That's enough—there are already too many people on set!

I ran into a pig! And I had 6 minutes!

She said to me:

— Are you using your wild card?

— Well, what am I supposed to do?

— So you have to play the bad guy… joker?

— Huh? No way! That's so funny!

That seems to surprise her! But why on earth? That’s never been one of my limits. Okay, fine, I don’t have that kink at all and I don’t particularly like it, but it’s really funny! Maybe she’s right. I’m not that easy to humiliate… or maybe I do like it a little…

 Oops!

— Well, if you're going to be a pig, then get down on all fours!

— Okay!

She hands me my blindfold and—whoosh… The little minx in me comes out! Well… I can’t help but laugh at times. Plus, I can’t see a thing! I’m this close to crashing into the cage, and Inanna has to shield me with her body! I snort, I let out grunts and “huiiiiiiiiii” sounds as if I were being torn apart, and I end up rolling around in the dungeon’s imaginary mud.

Sometimes I hear Inanna laughing or saying things like, «Now that’s a real slut! A real slut wallowing in the mud!» 

I must look completely ridiculous like this…

Yeah, well, anyway…

No more than when I scream because someone hits me in the end!

My talent for imitating farm animals was bound to pay off someday!

- You're talking nonsense, Justine!

Here I am again, human and standing tall! The dice are forcing the gag back on me!

Grrrr…

At least I can shout as much as I want.

Oh… The Slave's Choice Again!

I tell him I hate having to choose! 

The first thing that comes to mind: Step on me!

Why didn't I say that?

Well, because… maybe she doesn't feel like it… see point 1. 

And then: a candle…

- Yeah, but then we'll have to wash it…

And then: electroplay…

- It takes too much preparation…

Well, she can just make my breasts hurt—she loves that!

- Yeah, but… I’m two days away from my period, and actually, I feel more sensitive—it’s a bad idea! Unless she decides to do it, I’m not that much of a masochist!

– Well, yes!

– Yeah, but no, so I don't know…

— Well, too late—come here!

Oh no, I don't have a good feeling about this.

She put two rubber bands around my body a little while ago! She’s already been having fun snapping them every now and then! It hurts so much!!! It wasn’t even fair—it wasn’t even part of the game!

- Do you want her to decide yes or no? She's never happy!

The die rolled a 1, so it'll be 10 because he doesn't like 1!

That's unfair! Inanna, Justice? Yeah, right! Inanna, Injustice—that suits her better!

She slaps me several times with the rubber band.

She keeps pushing me forward and forward and forward, and then she lets go of the elastic!

On my butt it's still kind of okay, but on my stomach I hate it every single time!

After a few more strokes, she asked me if I had counted.

Of course not!

I was too focused on my pain!

— Oh, well, if you're not counting, we're back to square one!

- Insult, insult, insult, insult in my head!

She stands up to face me—she's got that sadistic look on her face!

• That hurts!!!!

Every time a rubber band snaps! I yell out swear words! It hurts so much! And she’s so full of herself, hurting me like that! I let out screams of rage! This time, though, I’m keeping track. There’s no way she’s going to do it again.

— Oh, my sides really hurt—wait…

— Oh my God!!!!!!!!

— You'll see—on your stomach, too!

But I've seen this before! She's been doing that for a while now! Even during other games, she was playing with her damn rubber bands!

My upper back, too!

I don't know why, but I've noticed it several times now: when she hits me on the upper back, between my shoulders, it instantly makes me want to cry. I feel vulnerable with just a single blow! It's incredible!

I realized this the first time she played that spot a few months ago… but since then I’ve noticed that it has nothing to do with the cane, because no matter what instrument she uses, it creates that effect!

I'm trying to figure out why. In any case, I'm letting people know…

Because that's also what made me give up a few minutes later.

If you arrive at 10, it's over!

And she said to me:

— So there are 8 of us, right?

I'm screaming through my gag!

— Nooo! Nooo! Nooo! 10!!! It's over!

I'm using hand gestures to signal "Stop!"

She said to me:

— Are you sure? I counted eight myself!

Oh no!!!!!

No!

No!

I've already had—I'm almost sure—between 15 and 20 of these because I didn't count them; they're not going to rip me off again!

- Justine will rip you off no matter what! She's the one who decides… the game is named after her!

– Yeah… maybe, but it was a 10!

I roll the dice again and once more land on the Femdom tax and a 1. I give her 100

— You owe me 1,000 

— Huh? 

Oh, but you don't listen to a thing! I told you, 1 is 1,000. 

Oh yeah, that's right! But 1,000, 200, 300, 400—that just doesn't make any sense! It doesn't make sense! My brain just won't accept it! What do you mean, I'm being disingenuous and just don't want to admit that I forgot? 

— Give me 100—I want to keep playing! 

I stumbled upon *Ready to Please*.

She points to the wall.

Holy crap!!!!!! Damn chair!

— Are you pulling my leg?

— I have a gag in my mouth!!!!!!!

She's laughing.

— Lower your butt some more! Lower!

I'm complaining.

— Oh, you know, I'm doing this for your own good.

— Man, that's sooooo cool!

— Oh, that’s so cheeky! You said, “That can’t be true!”

• Oh my gosh, she figured it out! 

My poor thighs are on fire.

Plus, I was already sore before I even got here!

Now I'm coming across this again: The Slave's Choice!

Oh my gosh!!!

— Look what's on the tray!

• Yeah, well, what's on the set is awful!

I'm thinking about genital stuff

This is the first time they've crossed my mind, but I'm sick of being in pain.

- Liar!!!!!

I'm just two days away from my period, so my libido is through the roof!!!!! But once again… See point 1!

There's no way I'm going to ask her to do things she might not want to do!

I'm looking at the set.

— What's the black box?

I ask… Bad idea… It was written there: Paddle.

6 shots!

She hits me six times with her paddle on my lower back…

Well, it hurts, but at least I know what it is!

Let's go back there and… The slave's choice!

I hate this game!

I say:

— Something nice!

I turn my head. There's a swift hanging to my left.

I said to him:

— Martinet!

I didn't even think about it! Something nice! But what an idiot! She's the one holding it! She's not nice at all!

I don't remember how many minutes it was, but I suspect she wasn't really paying attention either!

She uses it like a whip several times, and my sides burn like hell!

— Oh, but you're yelling too loud!

"She said, turning up the music.".

I smile. The more it hurts, the more I scream—or laugh at myself for screaming!

That whip is rarely used gently!

Damn, that really hurts!

- Well, yeah, that's what she wants!

It's finally over.

Man, that was intense!!

This time, Inannapoly is finished.

I roll a 4 and land on the finish square! That said, I've been losing for a while now!

I'm 400 in the red in my bank account, and I have some attitude points to work off…

Well, that sounds just like my life, then! 

And what better way to atone than to be tied to the Cross of Saint Andrew!

That really sounds like my life! 

I'm getting six lashes with the strap!

Um…

I really, really love this instrument! Really, really, really LOVE it!

Well…

Let's practice now!

I thought I’d escape the whip today… I was wrong… Several whips are going to be used on me, and not all of them are exactly gentle. She starts… and not gently. Man, it’s been a long time, actually. The whip licks my skin as if there were blades of fire at its tip! I moan, I whimper, but very quickly I come to terms with it. There’s a whip, and there’s Inanna Justice holding it…

I'm going to suffer anyway, so I might as well give up... She whips me, and I groan.

What was I saying earlier about the whip? That she used it like a whip? Damn it… I was wrong! It hurts a lot more…

But sometimes it changes, and sometimes it doesn't hurt that much…

But actually, yeeeees!

It works on every part of my back!

The hips… Sometimes the sides and the back! The upper back… It almost makes me cry…

- Almost there? Justine… come on… you can do it!

I've never cried under the whip…

– Yeah, but this is the only way to let it all out! Let her hit you and start crying…

The first tears are falling… But the snake’s tongue keeps licking every part of my body!

I can hear him say to me:

— This is all your fault, Justine! I don't like punishing you…

She knows exactly what she's doing! She's playing on my weaknesses… And it's working!

I’m sobbing softly now, then a little harder, as the whip cracks down on me. Can I tell her to stop? Yes. I still can. But I don’t want to! I trust her… She’ll stop when the time is right.

Twice the word “red” explodes in my head, but both times the next blow is weaker, and the whip cracks in my ear instead of against my skin.

I'm at the end now! I'm crying my eyes out while she whips me…

I'm crying, I'm crying, I'm crying…

Yet she continues.

I can hear myself shouting «no» while I’m crying…

- Why are you saying no? Tell him to stop…

– No, it's a reflex because it hurts…

I'm letting go…Crying makes me feel better… I hug the cross while she whips me… And maybe she’s right… Maybe I need to be whipped…

And she stops!

She comes up behind me… and wraps her arms around my back. I keep crying… But it feels good…

She's leaving the room!

Why did she leave? Nooo, don't go! 

She's back… She's running an ice cube over my skin!

It feels so good! She unfastens the gag—which had been serving as my collar—from the strap, and I smile because even without the collar, taking off the gag has the same effect. The ice cube has partly stopped my tears! She unties me while hugging me.

She thanks me for crying for her.

– Please let go!

She’s right… But thanks to her! I’m exhausted!!! So exhausted… She leads me over to her piece of furniture and gently ties me to it… She’s talking… I know she’s telling me I can cry some more and that she’s talking about transition… I don’t understand everything! She tells me to recall the emotions from the session: the panic, the laughter, the tears, the pain—to return to my body… The end feels like a dream.

I know I'm going out. And I'm thirsty, too. 

She gives me some arnica because my sides are covered in whip marks, and I head for the shower.

In the shower, I think:

– No more whipping!

- What are you talking about, Justine… You’re back at it on Thursday!

– Yeah, well, okay… maybe it was fun… maybe I'll do it again… maybe… Okay, fine, not "maybe.". 

I came home with marks on my skin, but more importantly, with marks in my mind!

A vanilla friend of mine was telling me recently that she didn't understand how someone could love someone else and hurt them so much.

I tried to explain it to him, but in the end, maybe I should have just told him:

After a whipping session, what sticks in my mind isn't the sound of the whip cracking.

It's not the sharp pain of the blades on my skin.

It's not the brands.

Not even my partner's silence while I'm crying and she keeps hitting me.

No. What sticks in my mind is:

She can do it even if it hurts me! 

Precisely because she doesn't want to hurt me.

And it would be much worse for me if she said to me:

— No, I don't think you're capable of that.
 — No, I'm not going to touch you.
 — You're not strong enough.
 — That hurts too much.
 — I'm quitting.

The more she whips, the more I hear:

— You're amazing!

And above all, what sticks with me is the tenderness behind that moment. The unspoken thanks. The tears we let ourselves shed. The smiles… And the laughter. She was right to tell me:

— I'm hitting you because I love you!

I take back what I said… It wasn't toxic—or maybe just a little 😈

After all, if Monopoly is a life simulation game, then Inannapoly is a life simulation game, too!

Because life is fun and painful, kind of like the crack of a whip!