BDSM Munch: What is it and what to expect

BDSM MUNCH

Do you dream about going to a gathering of 20, 30, 40 or more people where you can discuss BDSM in a safe and open-minded environment? While COVID has put a damper on group activities for the time being, it won’t be long before we can again get together with our friends. Here are a few things that you should know before attending your first munch so that you and everyone around you has the best time possible.

What’s a munch anyways?

Munches are events where you go to a café or restaurant to meet like-minded kinky people, but not to play. Generally, we eat a meal together, have a drink or two, and chit-chat. Sometimes there are activities to help break the ice and get the conversation going between participants. Most munches are open to the public, but it’s always a good idea to let the hosts know that you’re coming in advance in case there’s a restriction on the number of people in the location.

While there will be a mix of Dom(me)s and subs, there is no D/s protocol. That’s to say that, if you’re a sub, you’re not going to be running around fetching drinks for people all night long (unless you actively want to be doing so). Dom(me)s shouldn’t expect that people that are not employees of the establishment offer them service of any kind. If you’re submissive, the only thing that’s expected of you is to be courteous. Actually, that goes for both tops and bottoms!

Why go to a munch?

Munches are a great place to meet people in the community, be that to play with later or just to have some support while you’re learning more about BDSM. I always encourage my subs to attend to meet other submissives and create relationships where they can share their stories openly. Having a support network is so helpful when you’re asking questions about your sexuality and desires.

Don’t go to a munch expecting to meet your dream Domme. If she is there, casually exchange a few words to get the conversation going and see if she’s open to discussing more. Don’t be overbearing and expect that she wants to spend the evening only with you. She’s there to catch up with friends, too.

Attending a munch can be a good first step before going to a play party. Once you’ve met a few people at munches, you can ask advice about which parties are best suited for your desires, and perhaps even find a group to go with.

It can also be a good meeting spot for someone that you’ve been chatting with online. If they don’t show up for some reason, there are plenty of other people that you can talk to.

MUNCH BDMS
If you see me at a munch, I certainly won’t be dressed like this.

Rules at a munch

Most munches are open to everyone, although there are some that have specific purposes. In Paris, there is JPK (Jeunes parisiens et kinky) for people under 35. Other munches are restricted to female Dommes, others are only for submissives. Make sure that the munch that you’re going to attend is appropriate for you.

Be sure to thoroughly read the rules of the munch before you show up. Photos are generally not allowed. Not everyone is “out” about being kinky, so even if you’re tempted to snap a selfie with a hot Domme, curb your desires and keep your phone in your pocket.

Titles such as Mistress or Sir are generally discouraged at munches unless you’re already in a relationship with someone. It irks me when an unknown sub comes up to me and calls me Mistress (you can read my article on the many reasons I don’t like it). We usually have name tags with the name that we want to use during the event. If you happen to know that someone’s real name is different than the one on the name tag, please refrain from using it.

Don’t touch anyone without their permission at a munch (or anywhere, for that matter). Again, this is not a play party, it’s an opportunity to meet people and discover. Something that I love about the kink community is that we often ask each other before hugging/kissing. Not everyone has the same comfort level with physical touch, even if you might think it’s innocent.

Don’t be creepy. Don’t follow one person around all night because you find them attractive. No means no. Be aware of body language. These are general life skills, but they bear repeating.

Anonymity and discretion

It’s possible that you may run across someone you know at any of these events, but they’re there too, so don’t fret. The BDSM community is generally very discrete. Part of what we advocate for is that we’re not judged for what we do behind closed doors, so if you do bump into your cousin or your boss, chances are that they won’t be spreading gossip about where they saw you.

Most munches have a dedicated room in a restaurant where the public can’t access the event, but if that’s not the case, be discreet in your conversations. No need to be screaming about the amazing session you had the night before, divulging all the details of your naughty games.

Of course, you should keep the same thing in mind if you see someone that you know. Avoid conversations about how you know each other if you can. If it’s awkward for you, simply wave hello from across the room and avoid speaking to them if that feels like the best solution.

BDSM munch
Leave your toys at home.

General courtesy  

Be mindful that the restaurant staff is generally quite busy on Munch night. At the PariS-M munch there can be upwards of 50 or 60 people. Be patient with the staff that are there to ensure you’re having a good time. As a former restaurant worker, I can tell you that the people that complained loudly to their table neighbors got a lot less attention than those that said please and thank you a lot.

If someone is bothering you, let the organizers know right away. They are there to be helpful and ensure that everyone is respectful and having a good time. We would much rather hear about a problem on the spot rather than learning later that there was inappropriate behavior.

How to dress for a munch

If you were to wander into a munch unexpectedly, you might just think it was a company party or a class reunion. People are dressed in everyday clothes; you won’t see men on leashes and women dressed in full latex catsuits. Some submissives will be wearing their collar, but that’s about the kinkiest attire that you’ll see.

Dress as if you’re going to an evening out with friends, or perhaps a little fancier if that’s your thing. I generally wear a pretty dress and heels, my male dates usually wear a nice pair of jeans with a button up shirt and dress shoes.

Final thoughts

Try to meet both Dommes and subs while you’re there. Be open-minded and recognize that we can all learn from each other, regardless of how you identify.

Have fun! We’re just a bunch of kink-loving perverts who want to socialize. If you go into it with an open mind and keeping these tips in mind, you’ll have a great time.

For a more intimate look at my magical world, sign up to my OnlyFans or AVN

If you enjoy my articles, feel free to share them on social media. You can follow me on Twitter to hear about my BDSM adventures on a (nearly) daily basis.

BDSM DOMINA MUNCH

A Note to Clients

NOTE CLIENTS

A note to clients

When I speak with my vanilla friends about my work as a professional Dominatrix, they often assume that the people that I see are all basement-dwelling losers or, on the opposite end of the spectrum, high-powered CEO’s needing an escape from their high-pressure jobs. While this is sometimes the case, most of my clients tend to be somewhere in the middle. A large majority of the people that I see are more or less your average Joe. They have regular jobs, they go on vacation in August, they have families, they eat pizza on Tuesdays…

note clients
I don’t expect you to have a six-pack like this guy.

Often when a person sends me a candidature request, they say something like “I have a dad bod” or “I’m a little bald” or “I’m tall and awkward” as if it is important. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read “I don’t look like the men in the photos on your website” and “I’m not particularly attractive.”

It breaks my heart each time, as I find beauty in every body. Of course you don’t look like the men on my website because they are my MODELS. I specifically chose them because they conform to societies’ idea of a good-looking person. Do I find them attractive? Yes, but it’s more because of the connection that we have than their physique.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, there are also those that contact me talking about their physical attributes and assuming that because they’re attractive, they’re going to get special treatment of some kind. This is even worse than the first group as it perpetuates some sense of entitlement because their genetics conform to the standards of society. Even worse are those who start out their presentation saying “I’m Caucasian” or “of French origins.” These subtly racist remarks make my skin crawl.

I consider myself a sapiosexual. That’s to say, I’m much more attracted to a persons intellect than their physical appearance. I have, for lack of a better term, fallen in love with people that have physical characteristics that vary from one extreme to another. I don’t have a “type” unless that means respectful, wise, generous, and honest (funny also helps).

The question to ask yourself isn’t “Will Inanna think that I’m too X, Y, or Z” but rather, “Can I serve her in a way that will enrich her life?” Because that, my dear submissives, is what really turns me on.

note clients

For a more intimate look at my magical world, sign up to my OnlyFans or AVN

If you enjoy my articles, feel free to share them on social media. You can follow me on Twitter to hear about my BDSM adventures on a (nearly) daily basis.

Submissive Training Program Online

formation training soumis submissive

Online Submissive Training Program

As many of you know, I largely prefer to be able to torture my victims in person, but current circumstances make that difficult. There are also many of you around the world that have been asking for ways to serve me, and I have tried to be creative in concocting something original and fun that allows us to connect even from far away.

I have been developing an online training program for submissives, and since lockdown went back into effect last week in France, I have had time to fine-tune some of the details. I’m very happy to announce that I am now going to offer you the opportunity to serve me from wherever you are in the world!

Online submissive training program

How the Online Training Program Works

Each day for two weeks, you will receive an email at 6am with your tasks for the day. In addition to completing the task, I expect an email in the morning wishing me a good day and another in the evening wishing me goodnight (before midnight). Some tasks will be performed only once, some will be integrated into your daily routine so that you can become a better submissive.

There are four levels to the program: green, yellow, red, and black.

Green is the easiest and suitable for even the most beginner or those who are living with others and cannot perform more challenging tasks.

Yellow is slightly more challenging. Most tasks can be done even if you live with your partner, so long as you can slip away for a few minutes each day.

Red is for those that are a bit more daring and aren’t living with a partner (or your partner is aware that you like to play naughty games with women online).

Black is the most challenging and only suitable for more experienced submissives who are willing to take some big risks to please me. You must complete at least one other level before participating in the black level.

INCENTIVES

I will occasionally offer prizes to participants for being the quickest to complete, most creative, best written… Of course, the winners are based solely on my personal preferences and are completely subjective! You could win a short video, a signed photo, or a personalized voice recording.

If there is a task that you cannot/will not perform, you have the right to refuse three times throughout the challenge. I will offer alternatives that cannot be refused. Beware, sometimes the alternative could be worse than the initial task! That said, they will not be similar. For example, if you refuse to wear a plug, the alternative will not have anything to do with anal play. I understand that some of you have limits for various reasons, and I will not violate those.

If you refuse three times, you are disqualified for the Grand Prize, but you can still win some of the other challenges.

Speaking of The Grand Prize… The winner for each level will win a 20 minute video call with me. If that’s not good incentive to sign up, I don’t know what is!

The next round of the Submissive Training Program will begin on December 1, 2020. Every two weeks, we will begin another round. Sign up before November 29 to get in on this round!

What this is and what this isn’t

This is an intensive training program where you will be required to invest time, effort and energy. I expect the players to participate fully.

I will engage with you regularly on an individual bases, but as it suits me. The more you give of yourself, the more I will give you my attention.

This is designed to help you reach a deeper understanding of yourself and what you are looking for in a D/s relationship. You will learn skills that help you not only to become a better submissive, but also a better person in order to serve me and all women in your life.

This is not a competition for a slave contract.

This is not a way to get my undivided attention for two weeks.

Email me at InannaSubChallenge@gmail.com to find out more!

You can follow me on Twitter to hear about my BDSM adventures on a (nearly) daily basis.

Read my articles to learn more about me, safety in BDSM, what FemDom means to me and much more.

Online submissive training program

Fantasies vs reality in BDSM scenes

Fantasmes vs. la réalité dans les séances BDSM

Fantasies are often quite different than reality in BDSM sessions. Here’s a little tale about why you should be prepared if things don’t go down exactly as you fantasized (and that sometimes it’s better that way).

As you might know, I have a soft spot for newbies and love showing people the pleasures of this marvelous playground that is BDSM. Having a bit of experience in this domain, I understand that often times people’s expectations are much different than what actually happens in a BDSM scene.

When he contacted me, he told me that he absolutely wanted a taste of the single tail whip and English cane, two practices that can be quite intense, even for those who are more experienced in BDSM. If you have watched any FemDom videos, you likely know what the possible effects these can have on ones’ behind. Even with light caresses of a single tail, marks that last several days are very likely, particularly if you are not a seasoned player. The cane, well, usually causes beautiful bruising and welts. They are tools that are meant to be severe, and when used correctly (and on someone who is able to use them properly), they are fabulous instruments. But IMHO, they’re not suitable for most beginners.

BDSM FANTASY
The single tail isn’t necessarily suited for everyone.

I decided that I would indeed do some impact play, but I start soft, very soft. I give some light spankings while he’s still wearing his boxers. After a few minutes when I start feeling his body warm up, I command him to remove his underwear and continue with bare-hand spankings. His butt starts to get red, warmer to the touch, and I grab a paddle. The one I choose is of soft suede to get him used to an implement before moving forward. I find that there’s a big difference psychologically between bare hands or implements on people, so again, I want to ease him into it slowly.

I move on to a pair of suede floggers, alternating between letting the falls gently glide over his back and firmer strokes on the fleshy part of his butt. I then select a heavier flogger that has a bigger “thud” factor (as opposed to “sting” factor). I give him a few good whacks, again testing his body and warming his flesh for what’s to come.

I grab a leather riding crop and work my way around his body, testing his resistance to the new tool. I slap him lightly on the legs, arms, and torso, then harder and harder where I plan on landing the tail of the whip later. He’s just not getting into it. I can see that he’s in pain, but not the kind of pain that I want to inflict. As someone with quite a bit of experience with different types of clients, I’m pretty good at reading bodies, and this one is not getting the enjoyment out of it that he expected. If he’s having a hard time with these toys, he’s REALLY not going to like the bite of a whip.

Fantasies reality Mistress
Not everyone is ready for this. Do you dare?

I explain that he’s not ready for the cane or the single tail, but that I have some other things in mind for him. I unfasten him from where he’s attached and put him on the floor. I won’t spend the time to detail the end of our session, but I adapted to what I felt was more appropriate.

After our session, I invite him to stay for a drink to debrief. I ask him what his initial thoughts are. Not surprisingly, he tells me that he didn’t enjoy the impact play. His favorite part? When I decided what we would do based on how I read his body during our first bit of time together.

When you contact a pro Mistress, we love hearing your ideas, whether you’re a total beginner or an advanced player. I take inspiration from what turns you on, but sometimes it’s just not reasonable. I’ve said it elsewhere on my website, but it bears repeating: I lead the dance. I take your fantasies and desires and tweak them so that both of us enjoy our time together. Take solace in the knowledge that I truly want you to have an amazing experience, but that sometimes the program du jour isn’t at all what you were expecting it to be.

*I’m pleased to report that this sub has since tasted both the single tail and the cane. The second time he came for a session, he was much more relaxed, knowing that he could trust that I was looking out for his best interests. He was able to let go and get into that magical subspace where the endorphins and adrenaline drown out the “bad”’ pain.

If you enjoy my blog, feel free to share it on social media. You can follow me on Twitter to hear about my BDSM adventures on a (nearly) daily basis.

No Limits submissives

No Limits Submissives

I am, of course, addressing those who are contacting pro Dommes for BDSM sessions. While some of this information is relevant for those in long-term relationships, it mostly applies to clients getting in touch with me for a scene.

Often when I receive candidature questionnaires, the person states that they have “no limits” in BDSM scenes. I find this quite disturbing for several reasons. First off, everyone has limits. Secondly, I don’t want to play with someone who is unwilling to take the time to do some research into what those might be. Thirdly, I have absolutely no interest in playing with a dead fish.

No limits submissive BDSM Domme
No limits? No thank you!

I have been involved in the BDSM scene for nearly a decade, and long before if we consider that I was actually doing BDSM activities before becoming familiar with the lingo. I have always had limits, and still do. They are ever-changing, much like my favorite practices, but even a pervert like me has things that are either not interesting or are even a turn-off. Each of us has things in our private lives that we consider taboo, so why do so many people say that they don’t?

When I get an email saying I can do whatever I want with a submissive, I immediately reply with the most raunchy things that I can think of. I will spare my kind readers the details of what some of my common responses are, but (not surprisingly) even “no limits” subs quickly reply “Well, no, not that of course!”

No Limits submissives
Madame Inanna Justice

If you don’t take the time to do a little research before sending in your application to serve me, I certainly don’t want to spend my valuable time with you. As my loyal subjects know, I have a booking protocol that is a bit more strict than many Mistresses, requiring not only to fill out a questionnaire and pay a deposit, but also to meet me for a drink before I decide if it’s a good match. If you haven’t taken the time to at least read my website to see what my limits are, I will systematically refuse your candidature because I simply don’t have time for someone that wants the fast food version of BDSM. That’s not my style.

When someone says to me that I can do as I please with them, it’s actually quite a burden. I would much prefer to hear about things that you would like to explore and create a scene that revolve around your preferences so that we can both enjoy the session.

As I’ve said many times, I want motivated and motivating submissives. You have a role to play in our interaction. While I guide the session, knowing what turns you on actually inspires me create this or that sort of scene. I am not talking about “topping from the bottom,” which I will address in another blog post, but being an active partner in our exchange. Believe it or not, it’s not all that fun for me if I don’t think you’re getting some enjoyment out of it. If I’m not given your limits, you may very well find yourself in a position that you find quite unpleasant.

Moral of the story: take your time to define your limits when entering into a BDSM session, be that with me or someone else. You may indeed have very few, but trust me, you have some.

Do you enjoy my blog? Feel free to share it on social media.

If you want to stay up to date with all my BDSM adventures on a regular basis, follow me on Twitter.