Beginners BDSM Session Special

débutant bdsm

BDSM Session for Beginners with Inanna Justice

As you might already know, I love introducing beginners to BDSM. We always remember our first times: the first time we kissed someone, the first time we drove a car, our first vacation as an adult… I want to initiate more people to the wonders of this world in a safe and reassuring framework.

We will begin with a video call of 15 minutes where you can ask me anything that you would like. Want to know more about a certain practice but you’re too shy to ask someone? No problem, I have heard a lot of unusual fantasies and I will not judge you. Are you interested in meeting a kinky partner but don’t know where to look? I have tons of resources that can help you in your research. Do you just simply want to ask questions about me? I’m an open book.  Whatever you want to discuss is fine with me! The point is that you feel more comfortable when we finally meet.

I will require that you read several articles on my website before our session and will verify that you have done so before we meet. This is to ensure that our time together is as enjoyable as possible and that you’re aware of some BDSM basics that I feel are essential to having the best time possible. I find that this also reassures beginners of my commitment to safety and the well-being of my play partners.

From there, we will set a date for our session. Because this is intended to be an initiation session, I have selected some of the most requested practices for beginners. You can choose three from the list that I’ve curated:

Foot/stocking/shoe worship

Anal play

Bondage

Impact play (floggers and hand spankings)

Sensory deprivation

bdsm beginners
Like the idea of worshiping my boots and stockings?

The session lasts 1h15 minutes, which includes time for a shower at the beginning and the end of play time. We will then have a quick drink together to debrief.

As with all my sessions, there is a deposit to be paid before we schedule our video call. This is non-refundable, but if you give me at least 48 hours’ notice, I allow you to reschedule one time in the following 30 days without losing your deposit.

I am also currently requiring a COVID test for all sessions. This must be done less than 24 hours before our session time and you need to show me the results when you arrive. For those that haven’t done one, it’s not pleasant but it’s not painful. Nearly every pharmacy in my neighborhood does them without an appointment.

I hope that this encourages more people to take that very intimidating first step. I was very lucky to have some excellent people guiding me when I was a beginner in the scene, and I hope that I can be that for others. BDSM can be scary when you don’t know what to expect, but my hopes are that this program helps soothe some of those fears and helps people move on to explore all the fantastic things that we can experience in this world.

If you’re interested in scheduling this type of session, send me an email with “BDSM beginners program” in the subject line and we can plan the next steps.

Please note: this is intended for those with little or no real-life experience with a Domme. It is not a way for more experienced players to have a less expensive session with me. If I find out that you are more practiced, I will cancel our session and you will be added to the blacklist for your dishonesty. My goal is to introduce beginners to the magic of BDSM and I won’t tolerate someone taking advantage of my kindness and generosity. Thank you for your understanding on this point.

BDSM beginners
Yes, sometimes we laugh during sessions!

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BDSM Munch: What is it and what to expect

BDSM MUNCH

Do you dream about going to a gathering of 20, 30, 40 or more people where you can discuss BDSM in a safe and open-minded environment? While COVID has put a damper on group activities for the time being, it won’t be long before we can again get together with our friends. Here are a few things that you should know before attending your first munch so that you and everyone around you has the best time possible.

What’s a munch anyways?

Munches are events where you go to a café or restaurant to meet like-minded kinky people, but not to play. Generally, we eat a meal together, have a drink or two, and chit-chat. Sometimes there are activities to help break the ice and get the conversation going between participants. Most munches are open to the public, but it’s always a good idea to let the hosts know that you’re coming in advance in case there’s a restriction on the number of people in the location.

While there will be a mix of Dom(me)s and subs, there is no D/s protocol. That’s to say that, if you’re a sub, you’re not going to be running around fetching drinks for people all night long (unless you actively want to be doing so). Dom(me)s shouldn’t expect that people that are not employees of the establishment offer them service of any kind. If you’re submissive, the only thing that’s expected of you is to be courteous. Actually, that goes for both tops and bottoms!

Why go to a munch?

Munches are a great place to meet people in the community, be that to play with later or just to have some support while you’re learning more about BDSM. I always encourage my subs to attend to meet other submissives and create relationships where they can share their stories openly. Having a support network is so helpful when you’re asking questions about your sexuality and desires.

Don’t go to a munch expecting to meet your dream Domme. If she is there, casually exchange a few words to get the conversation going and see if she’s open to discussing more. Don’t be overbearing and expect that she wants to spend the evening only with you. She’s there to catch up with friends, too.

Attending a munch can be a good first step before going to a play party. Once you’ve met a few people at munches, you can ask advice about which parties are best suited for your desires, and perhaps even find a group to go with.

It can also be a good meeting spot for someone that you’ve been chatting with online. If they don’t show up for some reason, there are plenty of other people that you can talk to.

MUNCH BDMS
If you see me at a munch, I certainly won’t be dressed like this.

Rules at a munch

Most munches are open to everyone, although there are some that have specific purposes. In Paris, there is JPK (Jeunes parisiens et kinky) for people under 35. Other munches are restricted to female Dommes, others are only for submissives. Make sure that the munch that you’re going to attend is appropriate for you.

Be sure to thoroughly read the rules of the munch before you show up. Photos are generally not allowed. Not everyone is “out” about being kinky, so even if you’re tempted to snap a selfie with a hot Domme, curb your desires and keep your phone in your pocket.

Titles such as Mistress or Sir are generally discouraged at munches unless you’re already in a relationship with someone. It irks me when an unknown sub comes up to me and calls me Mistress (you can read my article on the many reasons I don’t like it). We usually have name tags with the name that we want to use during the event. If you happen to know that someone’s real name is different than the one on the name tag, please refrain from using it.

Don’t touch anyone without their permission at a munch (or anywhere, for that matter). Again, this is not a play party, it’s an opportunity to meet people and discover. Something that I love about the kink community is that we often ask each other before hugging/kissing. Not everyone has the same comfort level with physical touch, even if you might think it’s innocent.

Don’t be creepy. Don’t follow one person around all night because you find them attractive. No means no. Be aware of body language. These are general life skills, but they bear repeating.

Anonymity and discretion

It’s possible that you may run across someone you know at any of these events, but they’re there too, so don’t fret. The BDSM community is generally very discrete. Part of what we advocate for is that we’re not judged for what we do behind closed doors, so if you do bump into your cousin or your boss, chances are that they won’t be spreading gossip about where they saw you.

Most munches have a dedicated room in a restaurant where the public can’t access the event, but if that’s not the case, be discreet in your conversations. No need to be screaming about the amazing session you had the night before, divulging all the details of your naughty games.

Of course, you should keep the same thing in mind if you see someone that you know. Avoid conversations about how you know each other if you can. If it’s awkward for you, simply wave hello from across the room and avoid speaking to them if that feels like the best solution.

BDSM munch
Leave your toys at home.

General courtesy  

Be mindful that the restaurant staff is generally quite busy on Munch night. At the PariS-M munch there can be upwards of 50 or 60 people. Be patient with the staff that are there to ensure you’re having a good time. As a former restaurant worker, I can tell you that the people that complained loudly to their table neighbors got a lot less attention than those that said please and thank you a lot.

If someone is bothering you, let the organizers know right away. They are there to be helpful and ensure that everyone is respectful and having a good time. We would much rather hear about a problem on the spot rather than learning later that there was inappropriate behavior.

How to dress for a munch

If you were to wander into a munch unexpectedly, you might just think it was a company party or a class reunion. People are dressed in everyday clothes; you won’t see men on leashes and women dressed in full latex catsuits. Some submissives will be wearing their collar, but that’s about the kinkiest attire that you’ll see.

Dress as if you’re going to an evening out with friends, or perhaps a little fancier if that’s your thing. I generally wear a pretty dress and heels, my male dates usually wear a nice pair of jeans with a button up shirt and dress shoes.

Final thoughts

Try to meet both Dommes and subs while you’re there. Be open-minded and recognize that we can all learn from each other, regardless of how you identify.

Have fun! We’re just a bunch of kink-loving perverts who want to socialize. If you go into it with an open mind and keeping these tips in mind, you’ll have a great time.

If you enjoy my articles, feel free to share them on social media. You can follow me on Twitter to hear about my BDSM adventures on a (nearly) daily basis.

BDSM DOMINA MUNCH

Even Dommes Do Laundry: Dispelling Common Misconceptions

Even Dommes Do Laundry: Dispelling Some Common Misconceptions About Dommes

People seem to think that I live in an alternate reality where I don’t need to wait in line at the post office when I have to ship a package off. Others think that I wake up dressed in leather and lace, my hair perfectly done, dark red lipstick already applied. Others still think that we have men doing all the things that we don’t enjoy doing. Believe it or not, your favorite Goddess also puts her pants on one leg at a time.

Some Dommes love to cook, but not necessarily wearing this.

Service slaves

Likely the most common misconception about Domme is that we are constantly surrounded by men taking care of all the menial tasks of the day. The vast majority of us don’t have full-time service slaves, although there is no shortage of offers.

Having a service sub usually takes more time and energy than doing something myself. Of course, my loyal submissives may run an errand or two for me once in a while, but I would much rather clean the bathroom myself than have to spend time looking over the shoulder of someone making sure that they are doing it up to my standards. Plus, many house subs will intentionally make mistakes to get attention (even if it’s not positive).

I do have two live-in slaves: Jean-Phi (my dish washing machine) and Jean-Henri (my washing machine). Beyond that, I have no desire to have a full-time a house slave.

We’re making tons of money

While the hourly rate to meet a pro Domme can be upwards of several hundred dollars per hour, this is not a job where we can do sessions 40 or more hours a week. While most full-time professional Dommes put in well over 40 hours per week, most of that time is spent on communication, marketing, doing photo shoots, editing videos, responding to emails, or perhaps writing articles. Most of the women that I know have a sweet spot of about 3-4 sessions per week. More than that and it tends to be physically and emotionally challenging, especially for those of us who put our heart and soul into our sessions.

Like with any business, we also have overhead costs. Outfits and quality equipment are expensive, then we have dungeon space, cleaning products, website hosting, advertising, photo shoots and many more “invisible” costs.

We don’t have down days

Anther misconception about Dommes is that we are always at 100%. We are humans. While publicly we show only our best qualities, our strength, and our power, we also have days that we feel down. Some of us suffer from mental or physical health problems. We have family and relationship issues. A lot of us juggle another job in addition to this one. Sometimes we’re tired or frustrated or lonely or sad. That does not make us weak, it makes us human.

misconceptions about professional domme
Even the strongest women can have moments when they don’t feel at the top of their game.

Lifestyle vs. sessions

Even if we live the lifestyle 24/7, that doesn’t mean that we’re always in session. There is a big difference between how I am with the submissives that are near and dear to me and how I am with a client that is coming for a couple of hours of play. My “lifestyle” partners have the privilege of eating dinner with me, seeing me in yoga pants, and going for a stroll in the park. More importantly, they don’t expect me to be 100% focused on play, even if I integrate it into our routine.

When I’m done with an intense paid session, I don’t necessarily want to tie my partner up and torture them. Well, actually, sometimes I do, but it’s a very different dynamic than the relationship that I have with my clients! With clients, I have to be 100% on my game, focused, on point, with my non-client play partners, I show up in jeans and a t-shirt, hair in a ponytail and without makeup.

We’re always on top

While many of us are in female-led relationships (FLR), it’s not the case for all pro Dommes. Some of us are in vanilla relationships, some of us are asexual, some of us are polyamorous. Some of us only like controlling our partners “in the dungeon” and prefer a different role in our daily lives. We are unique individuals and our relationships outside of our jobs reflect that. Don’t assume that because a woman has chosen to work as a professional Dominatrix, she enjoys the same power when she’s not working.

We wouldn’t do it if we didn’t get paid

Most pro Dommes love BDSM and we would absolutely practice if we weren’t paid, just statistically not with you. This isn’t meant to sound (too) bitchy, but it’s the truth. Dominant women are highly sought-after. It’s the reason that some of us have made a successful career out of it. Many of us started out “just for fun,” and one day the light came on and we realized that we were so in-demand that we could charge for our extensive skills.

When a Domme goes to a party, there’s 20 boys lined up and begging for attention. We have a wide variety of choices literally at our feet. Unless you look like Ryan Gosling and like heavy pain play, I’m probably not going to choose you. Why? Because that guy is likely in the room and I’m going to choose him.

We don’t enjoy “normal” things

Generally speaking, we live exciting, fast-paced lifestyles. We regularly attend kinky events, we organize elaborate sessions that could literally kill our partners if not executed properly, we thrive on adrenaline and excitement… but we also appreciate like (and need) down time. We appreciate those calm moments at home cooking a nice meal, playing board games, or just zoning out on Netflix.

common misconceptions professional domme
A quiet day reading is sometimes just what we need.

Don’t forget that your Domme is a person. While she certainly deserves to be placed on a pedestal before you, it’s important to remember that a pedestal can be a very narrow platform to stand upon. Be careful with common misconceptions about professional Domme when she’s not in session.

common misconceptions professional domme
Inanna Justice in Paris.

Written in collaboration with FFFBuzz.com

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Feature interview on Domme Addiction

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Feature interview on Domme Addiction

I was recently contacted by @Onmyknees4Her for DommeAddiction.com. Visit the website for more!

slaveboysmith: She is alluring and sensual, strict and cruel. A dichotomy of sensations and moods, today’s Feature Domme is Parisian beauty Mistress Inanna Justice. It is a privilege to kneel before you Mistress, and thank you for allowing DA to share your story today!

Mistress Inanna Justice: Hello! What a lovely message.

sbs: Well it is a pleasure to serve you in this way Mistress. Let me ask you to begin by sharing a little about how you became a Dominatrix and when you first realized the power you hold over others.

MIJ: According to my Mom, I’ve always been bossy ? For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a natural leader. In my former career, I worked in management. It’s just natural for me to lead others.

I’ve always been very curious, particularly in the boudoir. Some of my early sexual experiences had elements of BDSM, although I didn’t have the vocabulary at the time. Tying up my partner and spanking them was just part of my sexuality. I became a Pro Domme by accident. While I had been in the scene for many years, it wasn’t until about 2 1/2 years ago that I went pro. I was exchanging with a foot fetishist on a kinky dating website and we were having a hard time finding a time to meet. One day, he writes asking if I was free. After replying in the affirmative he asks me how much I charge. I wasn’t at all expecting it! I had just been looking to have some fun. He shows up, sucks my pretty toes for a while, and leaves an envelope on the table.

sbs: What a lucky boy he was! Along with having your feet worshiped, obviously, what other fetishes and kinks do you love to explore within your sessions? Any that are hard limits that anyone inquiring about a session with you must know about, Mistress?

MIJ: I love impact play! Floggers, crops, canes, and my beloved single tails. I’m a high-energy person and this goes along with my profile. I’m also a total goofball, so tickling is a favorite, especially with those subs that take themselves so seriously! Between my wickedly sweet smile and some magic fingers, both of us are in tears of laughter by the end of a session! Anything that has to do with penetration gets me off. Forcing my fingers into someone’s mouth, my dick in their ass, a sound in their cock, or needles through their skin just turns me on. To occupy the same physical space as someone is powerful stuff.

I adore role play of any kind, and have a few rubrics on my website dedicated to specific scenarios (kidnapping, sexologist, police, etc.), but I’ve recently done some sessions that include: perverted real estate agent showing an apartment to an unsuspecting buyer, tinder date gone bad, prison warden who finds drugs in her prison… I was a child actor, so it probably stems from that. Lately I’ve become more and more interested in the dynamics of nursing and ABDL. The psychology of it intrigues me, and I’ve been exploring it with a few of my boys recently.

As far as limits, for the moment it’s scat, vomit, and race play. Poop and puke just don’t turn me on, and humiliating someone based on their race is something that I have an ethical problem doing myself (but no judgement towards those that do it in a healthy way). But of course, limits, like favorite practices, are always evolving.

sbs: With the current world situation, have you found yourself needing to branch out into online/distance training options with your submissives more than previously? For those unable to come to Paris, to kneel before you in person, what type of opportunities are there for them to worship and serve you, Mistress Inanna?

MIJ: I have played with the idea of doing online work, but currently I am focusing my energy on other projects. I host monthly dinners for Pro Dommes, as well as organize workshops on safety (first aid for Dommes, advanced med play, self-defense, accounting…). I also do a rubric on FemDom on a French radio show and have recently started writing a little blog for my website. All of that keeps me quite busy! I’m a very tactile person, which is one reason that I haven’t branched out into online domination.

It is quite unfortunate for those that are outside of Europe (I travel quite a bit and will see well-deserving submissives in certain cases), but for the moment, I’m concentrating my energy on growing a strong sisterhood in the Paris Pro Domme community. I felt that it was really lacking, and bringing women together and empowering each other is very important to me. For those who are inspired to contribute to my well-being, I invite them to contact me directly for options. They can always make a donation in my name to a SW-positive association! Or support another wonderful woman in their area. If the money/energy stays in the sisterhood, even if it’s halfway across the world, I am happy.

feature interview domme addiction

sbs: That is wonderful to hear your views on supporting others and keeping the community safe, Mistress. All too often, competition gets in the way of that. Your profile mentions your work as a Hostess for Pro Domme events in Paris. What can you share of these experiences, and what do you have in the works upcoming?

MIJ: As I mentioned, I host a monthly Domme Dinner (Dîner des Dommes) and organise workshops on a number of topics in order to keep us and our submissives safe. Unfortunately I’ve had to postpone a couple of workshops due to the current state of things, but as soon as things improve with the sanitary crisis in France, I’ll reschedule them. The Domme Dinners give us a time to connect, share stories, compare notes, and just be in the company of one another. I think it helps reduce that competitive aspect that you mentioned (at least for those that attend!). I would like to organise some high-protocol dinners in the near future, as well. Last year, I co-organized several kinky after-works and will also get that back up and running as soon as possible. In the meantime, I’m playing it safe.

sbs: That is definitely the wise choice at this time. So many limits on so many aspects of life we’ve enjoyed previously. Let me ask you a hypothetical…if you could choose one person in this world to have kneeling before you, eager to please, willing to obey your every command, as your first return to normal session, who might you choose, and why them?

MIJ: I’ve actually been sessioning IRL since May, with additional safety measures in place (limited sessions, masks, cleaning procedures) so this doesn’t really apply to me. I don’t really have a dream client. Each person is so unique and wonderful, it’s a matter of finding what makes them special. Maybe Donald Trump so I could put that bitch in his place!!! I don’t have a celebrity dream client. Perhaps a comedian, someone really silly so that I could set out some fun challenges and when they fail, we can laugh together, like Jim Carrey in the 90’s with that super expressive face. I can just imagine him making wild expressions when I’m torturing him ?

Inanna

sbs: You’d probably have to gag him at some point I’m sure lol. Actually that sentiment would apply to both of them. For those who kneel before you, is it always men who submit or do you also have female submissives? Are there women who recognize the superiority of Mistress Inanna Justice and beg to submit to you?

MIJ: I have female play partners, my best masochists, actually, but rarely female submissives. In my private life, I’ve found that there are very few lady submissives (not counting sissies/cross dressers who generally only F-identify during play). This is something that’s different than when I was in the US, where I had more female-identifying partners. My clients are all male, but I would love to have more ladies contact me for sessions.

sbs: Are there significant differences in the types of sessions, fetishes explored etc between the two?

MIJ: Do you mean between male and female partners? Or between masochists and subs? Of course there’s a huge difference between masos and subs: the two don’t necessarily go hand in hand. And seeing as my female play partners aren’t usually submissives, yes, there’s a big difference between my male and female play mates. For example, I don’t think that any of my female play partners would consider herself a fetishist (unless it’s for filling up her own shoe closet, but that has nothing to do with the sexual fetishism of say, latex, leather, stockings, etc…) but many of my male partners do.

sbs: I was leaning towards differences between male and female submissives, but your answer is perfect. For those reading your responses, entranced by your beauty and intellect, your sensuality, what advice might you give them to ensure they make the best possible first impression in contacting you?

MIJ: The best way to impress me is to show that you’ve read my website in detail. Not just looked at the photos, but actually taken the time to read! I write short articles that reflect my views on FemDom, kink, safety and how to get the most out of a session with me. The submissives that have done so before contacting me have a much better chance of being accepted for a session. I am selective about who I see: if they don’t invest the time, effort, and energy before contacting me, they will likely be refused the opportunity to serve me.

sbs: And with all that you’ve already experienced and accomplished as a Domme, what comes next for the beautiful and talented Mistress Inanna Justice? What can your devoted followers eagerly anticipate next?

MIJ: I have several projects in the works (aside from the ones that I mentioned earlier: ProDomme-only workshops/events, high-protocol soirées, tours…) that I don’t want to divulge right now but will be making some big announcements (hopefully very) soon. Due to the current circumstances, some things have been put on hold, but that just allows me to perfect the many, many ideas that are brewing in my mind!

sbs: It’s enticing to imagine you dreaming up new ways to dominate submissives and make us weaker for you. Thank you so much for the privilege of this interview, Mistress Inanna. With your permission, may I please ask one final question of you before crawling away and getting to work on your feature?

MIJ: Of course ?

sbs: Thank you Mistress Inanna Justice. If we were conducting this interview in person, me kneeling before you, spellbound by your beauty and intoxicated by your power as I asked my questions, how might such an interview conclude?

MIJ: Well, darling, with you kissing my feet as a thank you, of course! And then me giving you a big hug and inviting you to join me for a glass of wine or Perrier at my table to discuss, “off the record”, our thoughts on sexuality, specifically within the framework of FemDom. I always have things to learn, regardless of how many parties I have attended, how many people I have met, how many books I have read. Each day brings the opportunity to learn something new, and after those sweet kisses of adoration on my feet, I would love to hear what wisdom you can afford me. Oh, and I might also stick my dick in your butt if things go well ?

Feature interview on Domme Addiction
Open wide slaveboy!
Feature interview on Domme Addiction

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A brief explanation of terms for safer play in BDSM

A brief explanation of terms for safer play in BDSM

If you have been around the BDSM scene for a while, you have likely heard SSC and RACK used. What is the difference? And how about other, less-known acronyms such as PRICK and CCC? What are the variations between them, and what are your expectations when entering into an exchange with a Mistress or other play partner?

This is a very nuanced subject, and I will not go too far into details, but I do want to offer a brief introduction. If you are looking to delve into the specifics, there are endless resources available online and in print.

The four most commonly used acronyms when discussing safer play are:

SSC: Safe, sane, and consensual.

RACK: Risk-aware consensual kink

PRICK: Personal responsibility informed consensual kink

CCC: Committed, compassionate, consensual

One word that appears in all four acronyms is consent, which is the basis for all healthy BDSM (and other) relationships. Merriam-Webster defines it:

  1. to give assent or approval

  2. compliance in or approval of what is done or proposed by another

  3. agreement as to action or opinion

In the context of BDSM, this is the act of both parties agreeing to participation in certain acts (which may or may not be sexual in nature). If both parties are not in agreement, it is not an act of consent, but of abuse. This is one of many reasons that Mistresses have lengthy questionnaires asking for hard and soft limits before engaging in any sort of play: we do not want to cause any lasting damage to your psyche. It should be mentioned that there are legal issues to consider, even if the sub/bottom consents, but that’s a subject for another time.

Now for the nuances between the acronyms.

Safety BDSM
Being aware how to play safer crucial in BDSM scenes.

SSC:

This terms was introduced in 1983 by David Stein, who wanted “to distinguish the kind of S/M I wanted to do from the criminally abusive or neurotically self-destructive behavior popularly associated with the term ‘sadomasochism’.”

Let’s be real: BDSM is inherently dangerous. Even a so-called soft practice can cause permanent damage when done incorrectly. Not to mention, what one person considers safe, another might consider bonkers. Think of scuba diving. There is no way in hell I’m going to strap on a tank and dive dozens of meters underwater, surrounded by unusual creatures that may eat me. That just doesn’t feel safe to me (and no, you can’t convince me otherwise). But for others, it’s how they spend every weekend. There is no one definition of safe that works for every human on earth.

Sanity is also subjective, and one reason that I lean more towards RACK or PRICK. For example, I have a sub that, when in stressful conditions (which BDSM scenes are by design), has a difficult time expressing himself verbally. He is “sane,” but I have to be on extra alert when playing with him, monitoring his vital signs and non-verbals to avoid sensory overload. Many of us suffer from depression, anxiety, or any other number of disorders that have commonly been viewed as “insane,” despite leading completely normal lives. If I excluded every person that has had a burnout or suffered depression, I would never play again!

Also, if we think that there are non-safe ways to play, what does that mean for those of us who take part in those practices? For the average non-kinky person, even a mild practice like putting a collar on a sub and leading them on a leash may seem insane. I would love to see the look on their faces when I talk about my average Friday night!

In short, I find SSC to be too subjective for my version of BDSM.

RACK:

RACK was coined in 1999 by Guy Switch, who compared mountain climbing to BDSM. For both activities, the risk makes up a big part of the thrill, but one can minimize danger through proper training, equipment, and technique. Awareness and education are key concepts in RACK, and all participants are expected to be able base their decisions on the information that they have acquired about a certain practice. My partner may be willing to be flogged because I (likely) won’t break the skin on his booty, but a single tail is out of the question as the chance of me drawing blood is much higher. With RACK, there is an expectation that the sub is aware of that prior to consenting to a scene.

PRICK:

This is a fairly new acronym in the BDSM scene, becoming popular in 2009, but one that I appreciate as it emphasizes personal responsibility (and not just awareness of possible dangers) of all participants involved. Each person has the right to accept or reject a particular practice, and must live with the consequences of their decisions. As a Pro Domme, I veer towards this, particularly with subs that want harder practices. As much as it is my responsibility to educate and train myself, my subs also have a role to play. I cannot be responsible if someone doesn’t communicate their needs.

One criticism of PRICK is that we can never be fully prepared for a practice that we have never tried before. Indeed, even if you are with a Mistress that has mastered a particular practice, your body and mind may not be prepared for the experience in real life.

CCC:

Committed, compassionate, and consensual is another term that is gaining in popularity in some circles. CCC is generally for TPE (total power exchange) or 24/7 relationships and generally not adapted for Professional Dommes or with play partners. With CCC, the sub does not make their desires known, but rather only discloses their hard limits. The Dominant partner decides everything (when, where, what, how, with whom…). Safe words are often not part of CCC agreements, although conversations between the submissive and the dominant partner are had to ensure that the practices remain consensual. While many people believe that they want to enter into a CCC relationship, often the submissive realizes that there are a plethora of risks involved, including potentially life-threatening physical and emotional damage.

As I mentioned earlier, consent is the backbone of all of these acronyms. If you did not agree to something that your partner does to you, it’s abuse. Despite what it looks like to those who are not involved in the BDSM scene, generally speaking Dommes are benevolent and caring people who strive to provide a safe sphere to explore the magical possibilities of power exchange.

In BDSM, we are flirting with danger (and it’s soooo good), but we can prepare ourselves mentally and physically to avoid risks. I invite you to do some deeper reading and see what works for you. Take elements from each of these philosophies. Each have their strengths and weaknesses; it’s up to you to decide what feels the most appropriate for your current situation. Most importantly, talk to your partner! Communication in relationships, be them with a professional Dominatrix or not, is the key to having beautiful and enriching experiences.

*I use the term “sub” frequently. I could easily replace that with fetishist or bottom or masochist or client or slave or any number of words. See my article on the subject. 

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