Beginners BDSM Session Special

débutant bdsm

BDSM Session for Beginners with Inanna Justice

As you might already know, I love introducing beginners to BDSM. We always remember our first times: the first time we kissed someone, the first time we drove a car, our first vacation as an adult… I want to initiate more people to the wonders of this world in a safe and reassuring framework.

We will begin with a video call of 15 minutes where you can ask me anything that you would like. Want to know more about a certain practice but you’re too shy to ask someone? No problem, I have heard a lot of unusual fantasies and I will not judge you. Are you interested in meeting a kinky partner but don’t know where to look? I have tons of resources that can help you in your research. Do you just simply want to ask questions about me? I’m an open book.  Whatever you want to discuss is fine with me! The point is that you feel more comfortable when we finally meet.

I will require that you read several articles on my website before our session and will verify that you have done so before we meet. This is to ensure that our time together is as enjoyable as possible and that you’re aware of some BDSM basics that I feel are essential to having the best time possible. I find that this also reassures beginners of my commitment to safety and the well-being of my play partners.

From there, we will set a date for our session. Because this is intended to be an initiation session, I have selected some of the most requested practices for beginners. You can choose three from the list that I’ve curated:

Foot/stocking/shoe worship

Anal play

Bondage

Impact play (floggers and hand spankings)

Sensory deprivation

bdsm beginners
Like the idea of worshiping my boots and stockings?

The session lasts 1h15 minutes, which includes time for a shower at the beginning and the end of play time. We will then have a quick drink together to debrief.

As with all my sessions, there is a deposit to be paid before we schedule our video call. This is non-refundable, but if you give me at least 48 hours’ notice, I allow you to reschedule one time in the following 30 days without losing your deposit.

I am also currently requiring a COVID test for all sessions. This must be done less than 24 hours before our session time and you need to show me the results when you arrive. For those that haven’t done one, it’s not pleasant but it’s not painful. Nearly every pharmacy in my neighborhood does them without an appointment.

I hope that this encourages more people to take that very intimidating first step. I was very lucky to have some excellent people guiding me when I was a beginner in the scene, and I hope that I can be that for others. BDSM can be scary when you don’t know what to expect, but my hopes are that this program helps soothe some of those fears and helps people move on to explore all the fantastic things that we can experience in this world.

If you’re interested in scheduling this type of session, send me an email with “BDSM beginners program” in the subject line and we can plan the next steps.

Please note: this is intended for those with little or no real-life experience with a Domme. It is not a way for more experienced players to have a less expensive session with me. If I find out that you are more practiced, I will cancel our session and you will be added to the blacklist for your dishonesty. My goal is to introduce beginners to the magic of BDSM and I won’t tolerate someone taking advantage of my kindness and generosity. Thank you for your understanding on this point.

BDSM beginners
Yes, sometimes we laugh during sessions!

If you enjoy my articles, feel free to share them on social media. You can follow me on Twitter to hear about my BDSM adventures on a (nearly) daily basis.

BDSM Munch: What is it and what to expect

BDSM MUNCH

Do you dream about going to a gathering of 20, 30, 40 or more people where you can discuss BDSM in a safe and open-minded environment? While COVID has put a damper on group activities for the time being, it won’t be long before we can again get together with our friends. Here are a few things that you should know before attending your first munch so that you and everyone around you has the best time possible.

What’s a munch anyways?

Munches are events where you go to a café or restaurant to meet like-minded kinky people, but not to play. Generally, we eat a meal together, have a drink or two, and chit-chat. Sometimes there are activities to help break the ice and get the conversation going between participants. Most munches are open to the public, but it’s always a good idea to let the hosts know that you’re coming in advance in case there’s a restriction on the number of people in the location.

While there will be a mix of Dom(me)s and subs, there is no D/s protocol. That’s to say that, if you’re a sub, you’re not going to be running around fetching drinks for people all night long (unless you actively want to be doing so). Dom(me)s shouldn’t expect that people that are not employees of the establishment offer them service of any kind. If you’re submissive, the only thing that’s expected of you is to be courteous. Actually, that goes for both tops and bottoms!

Why go to a munch?

Munches are a great place to meet people in the community, be that to play with later or just to have some support while you’re learning more about BDSM. I always encourage my subs to attend to meet other submissives and create relationships where they can share their stories openly. Having a support network is so helpful when you’re asking questions about your sexuality and desires.

Don’t go to a munch expecting to meet your dream Domme. If she is there, casually exchange a few words to get the conversation going and see if she’s open to discussing more. Don’t be overbearing and expect that she wants to spend the evening only with you. She’s there to catch up with friends, too.

Attending a munch can be a good first step before going to a play party. Once you’ve met a few people at munches, you can ask advice about which parties are best suited for your desires, and perhaps even find a group to go with.

It can also be a good meeting spot for someone that you’ve been chatting with online. If they don’t show up for some reason, there are plenty of other people that you can talk to.

MUNCH BDMS
If you see me at a munch, I certainly won’t be dressed like this.

Rules at a munch

Most munches are open to everyone, although there are some that have specific purposes. In Paris, there is JPK (Jeunes parisiens et kinky) for people under 35. Other munches are restricted to female Dommes, others are only for submissives. Make sure that the munch that you’re going to attend is appropriate for you.

Be sure to thoroughly read the rules of the munch before you show up. Photos are generally not allowed. Not everyone is “out” about being kinky, so even if you’re tempted to snap a selfie with a hot Domme, curb your desires and keep your phone in your pocket.

Titles such as Mistress or Sir are generally discouraged at munches unless you’re already in a relationship with someone. It irks me when an unknown sub comes up to me and calls me Mistress (you can read my article on the many reasons I don’t like it). We usually have name tags with the name that we want to use during the event. If you happen to know that someone’s real name is different than the one on the name tag, please refrain from using it.

Don’t touch anyone without their permission at a munch (or anywhere, for that matter). Again, this is not a play party, it’s an opportunity to meet people and discover. Something that I love about the kink community is that we often ask each other before hugging/kissing. Not everyone has the same comfort level with physical touch, even if you might think it’s innocent.

Don’t be creepy. Don’t follow one person around all night because you find them attractive. No means no. Be aware of body language. These are general life skills, but they bear repeating.

Anonymity and discretion

It’s possible that you may run across someone you know at any of these events, but they’re there too, so don’t fret. The BDSM community is generally very discrete. Part of what we advocate for is that we’re not judged for what we do behind closed doors, so if you do bump into your cousin or your boss, chances are that they won’t be spreading gossip about where they saw you.

Most munches have a dedicated room in a restaurant where the public can’t access the event, but if that’s not the case, be discreet in your conversations. No need to be screaming about the amazing session you had the night before, divulging all the details of your naughty games.

Of course, you should keep the same thing in mind if you see someone that you know. Avoid conversations about how you know each other if you can. If it’s awkward for you, simply wave hello from across the room and avoid speaking to them if that feels like the best solution.

BDSM munch
Leave your toys at home.

General courtesy  

Be mindful that the restaurant staff is generally quite busy on Munch night. At the PariS-M munch there can be upwards of 50 or 60 people. Be patient with the staff that are there to ensure you’re having a good time. As a former restaurant worker, I can tell you that the people that complained loudly to their table neighbors got a lot less attention than those that said please and thank you a lot.

If someone is bothering you, let the organizers know right away. They are there to be helpful and ensure that everyone is respectful and having a good time. We would much rather hear about a problem on the spot rather than learning later that there was inappropriate behavior.

How to dress for a munch

If you were to wander into a munch unexpectedly, you might just think it was a company party or a class reunion. People are dressed in everyday clothes; you won’t see men on leashes and women dressed in full latex catsuits. Some submissives will be wearing their collar, but that’s about the kinkiest attire that you’ll see.

Dress as if you’re going to an evening out with friends, or perhaps a little fancier if that’s your thing. I generally wear a pretty dress and heels, my male dates usually wear a nice pair of jeans with a button up shirt and dress shoes.

Final thoughts

Try to meet both Dommes and subs while you’re there. Be open-minded and recognize that we can all learn from each other, regardless of how you identify.

Have fun! We’re just a bunch of kink-loving perverts who want to socialize. If you go into it with an open mind and keeping these tips in mind, you’ll have a great time.

If you enjoy my articles, feel free to share them on social media. You can follow me on Twitter to hear about my BDSM adventures on a (nearly) daily basis.

BDSM DOMINA MUNCH

Humiliation and Degradation: an introduction

humiliation degradation introduction

Humiliation and Degradation: an introduction

Why are we so turned on when we call someone our slut, our bitch, our pet, our pig? Why does it turn us on to be called these names? Why do we seek out humiliating experiences in our sexual exchanges? Like with all aspects of sexuality, there is no single answer that is true for everyone, but here are a few basics about humiliation in an erotic context.

Something to keep in mind is that each person is very different, and limits must be negotiated before playing. What one person may find exciting, another won’t enjoy at all. There is no single activity that you can do that will suit every partner and nearly any activity can be humiliating depending on the context.

humiliation degradation introduction
On your knees!

Humiliation vs. Degradation

Humiliation is something that causes embarrassment through verbal or physical means. This can range from the tame, such as wearing an item of clothing that draws attention of those around you, to the more extreme, such as shaving off all body hair, eyebrows included. Generally speaking, one needs an audience in order to feel humiliated: if you are dressed in a way that may cause embarrassment but nobody is there to see you (and to make fun of you), the effect won’t be the same.

Humiliation and degradation are very based in psychology. If my sub doesn’t find wearing a diaper shameful at its’ core, I’m going to become very frustrated if I slap one on him hoping to embarrass him. Cultural context is also important. Being an expatriate, I have learned that there are differences in what (many) French subs find off-putting versus what (many) American subs find humbling.

Some common humiliating activities include SPH (small penis humiliation), boot-licking (which in this context is different than fetishism), eating out of a dog dish, toilet play, or mocking someone while they masturbate, but the list is truly endless. The key is finding something that the submissive feels is humiliating. It could be so simple as making them buy condoms, lube and a cucumber at the grocery store. Each person has things that make them shudder, the fun is finding that soft spot and playing with it.

I love going out to eat with my submissives, who are mostly male-identifying, and making them wear lipstick. I will often choose what they will eat and order for them, and make sly remarks to the server throughout the meal (taking into consideration that other people are not necessarily willing participants). I’ll drop my napkin on the ground several times, making him pick it up (all the better if he has to get up from his seat to do so).

I will pay the bill, saying something like “I don’t let him control the money, he’s completely irresponsible with it.” My partner and I know what’s going on, but I’m not going to violate the limits of someone who isn’t in on our game.

For me, there is a certain playfulness in humiliation, where as with degradation, the stakes are higher. Humiliation tends to be more general and less personal, based on common fears while degradation is more personal.

In the context of BDSM, degradation can be defined as the wearing down of a persons self-esteem to a point where they feel totally exposed and defenseless.

An example of degradation play would be when I’m at the aforementioned meal with a sub and he spills something on himself. I could start calling him names to bring him down. “You don’t deserve to be taken out of the house. I don’t know why I waste my time with you. I know five year-olds that have better manners than you. You’re a filthy pig. Now you’re going to eat like the little pig that you are: on the floor.”

While I wouldn’t make them eat on the floor at the restaurant, if I am at home and this happens, my sub will indeed eat off the floor. I might tell them that they can’t speak, only make grunting piggy noises. They have lost their status as a human.

humiliation degradation
Licking dirty feet is one common form of humiliation.

Why do we like humiliation and degradation?

In general, we are drawn to these practices because they are subversive and destabilizing. The submissive ‘surrenders’ the Dominants insults. As with many BDSM practices, this is extremely liberating for the submissive. When we give control to the other, we feel more free. It also allows us to put aside societal expectations and to embrace things that scare us. We are able to confront and reject the the norms of everyday life. Playing with taboos is exciting, particularly when it’s in a judgment-free and safe setting.

It also requires high levels of trust to ask someone to humiliate or degrade you. As a dominant, we need our submissive to be 100% honest with us. From the submissives standpoint, they put their emotions entirely in the hands of the dominant. This creates a deep connection and profound intimacy between the participants.

There is also a physical aspect that is linked to sexuality. When we are embarrassed, our heart rate increases, we get sweaty and nervous, and we are unable to focus. These are the same physiological responses that we have before having sex with someone for the first time.

From a dominants perspective, humiliation and degradation are exciting as people trust us to take control of their insecurities, to “force” them to confront things that are uncomfortable outside of the framework of BDSM. We are responsible for the well-being of our partners, and these practices allow us to delve deep into the psyche.

Setting limits

When doing humiliation and degradation play, it’s important to set time limits. For example, only allowing your dominant to humiliate you during dinner on Thursday nights. You should also prepare to take enough time to process afterwards. Again, psychology intense play can have some serious negative effects if not managed properly. The marks from a whip or a cane will disappear in a few days. Emotional wounds are often much harder to heal if things go wrong.

As always, communicating with your partner is key. Discuss the words and terms that turn you on and those that turn you off (or have no effect). Don’t make assumptions that your partner will find the same things exciting that you do.

Be safe, have fun, and keep it kinky!

If you enjoy my articles, feel free to share them on social media. You can also follow me on Twitter to hear about my BDSM adventures on a (nearly) daily basis.

Household Kink And How To Get Kinky With Unexpected Items

Written in collaboration with FFFBuzz.com

Go to their website for articles on a huge range of subjects related to FemDom, BDSM and kink.

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Household Kink And How To Get Kinky With Unexpected Items

Often when I’m speaking to people at munches, particularly the newbies, they’ll mention the high cost of specialized gear. It’s true that we can spend hundreds of dollars on a single whip or flogger, let alone a piece of furniture adapted to play. My response is often the same: look around in unexpected places and you’ll find things to use without investing in toys that you may not even enjoy. I adore going to garage sales and hardware stores to find objects that can be perverted for use in a BDSM scene. Here’s a list of household kink ideas for you if you’re just starting out, have a limited budget, or are simply looking for something fresh.

I’m assuming you’re already aware of SM 101: RACK/SSCsafer play, trusting your partner, establishing safe words and the like. If not, stop here and go read some articles about consent, hygiene, and healthy relationships. That is absolutely essential before you think about playing!

Where to begin for household kink

Let’s start in my favorite room of the house; the kitchen. There are of course wooden spoons and spatulas for impact play. Different materials will procure different sensations (and sounds!). Here is a diagram for safe places to spank.

Locations you can use your household kink items
Green is good, yellow is a maybe, red is a no.

 

How about a fork? Tracing it over the delicate skin of your partner can send goosebumps all over. Or what about running it through their hair? Makes me shiver just thinking about it! If you heat it up a bit in boiling water (or chill it with ice cubes), that can add even more intensity.

Butcher twine can be used for finger/toe bondage, nipple torture or CBT. Make sure that you always have safety scissors on hand if you do any sort of bondage in case things get too tight. While part of the joy of BDSM is fear-based, the first priority is always the safety of you and your partner.

Ice is great fun for sensation play. Run it all over your partners body, letting it drip everywhere. If they’re a bit masochistic, combine it with salt, which drops the temperature of the ice and can cause minor burns.

Kitchen utensils provide all manner of fun.

Ginger is commonly used for a practice called ‘figging’. You take a peeled piece of ginger and insert it into the anus. It is a slow-building burn that is just delightful. Some people go much further with other things that burn, but I always recommend to start slow and build up. Remember that you can always intensify things next time, but coming back from an overly-intense session is no fun for anyone.

How about making your partner kneel on dry rice? You might not think much of it at first, but after a few minutes, it can be quite a challenge. I like to make my submissives pick up the grains afterwards. Makes for a good lesson in patience.

If you want to get a little more dangerous, knives make delightful toys. Blindfold your partner and run two blades together next to their ears. That alone with get them quivering with anticipation. Then run the cold blades over their skin, delicately tracing the most sensitive areas. Remember that there are two sides to a knife so play safe. Especially when you’re doing psychologically intense play.

I’m a big fan of what is called splosh, or food play. This can involve any number of things such as throwing food at your partner, rubbing it all over their body, or chewing and spitting it at them. It is both fun and humiliating. There is something so childish and regressive about it that generally I often end up laughing uncontrollably during splosh sessions.

Speaking of food and humiliation, you can make your submissive eat from a dog dish on the floor. This is a quick way to dehumanize them, and a popular form of degradation. Want to take it a step further? They become a pig who rolls around in their food. Force them to make little piggy noises while they’re splashing around. Don’t forget to put down a tarp before as this gets really messy.

Or how about using aromatics to play with smells? Prepare several spices, fruits, and vegetables before your session. Blindfold your sub and make them guess what each smell is. For each one they get correct, you can reward them. For each one that they miss, well, punishment time!

Playing with smells can be exciting

Chopsticks can be used for a number of games. You can bind them together with rubber bands to create clamps for nipples, ears, toes, the tongue, or just about any other protruding body part. You can fasten them with Saran Wrap or bondage tape to the shins and tap on them. It feels to the submissive as if you’re tapping directly on the bones. My favorite is to use them to dilate the anus or the vagina. Start with 8 chopsticks in a condom, then insert one at a time in the middle until you get to 30, 40, 50… or more. One of my partners took in 100, but we’ve been doing this practice for a long time so start slow to be safe. I think I could have gone further, but I ran out of chopsticks!

Cellophane is fantastic for bondage if you don’t have specialized equipment (or even if you do). It’s cheap, versatile, very restrictive, and you can cut holes out to access areas that you want to play with. I often use Saran Wrap for fornophelia, the art of transforming a human into an inanimate object such as a table, a desk, a lamp, a toilet or anything else that you can think of which is the essence of household kink.

Laundry pegs are one of the most popular household items for BDSM play. You can safely put them pretty much everywhere on the body. Trust me, I’ve tested this! I have hundreds (thousands?) of different laundry pegs, depending on what  I want to torture. Something to think about is that when removing them, it actually hurts worse than when putting them on, as the blood rushes back to the area. Take advantage of that by pressing on that area. You can remove them in a number of ways, such as with a flogger or by making a “zipper” with a string attached to the pegs.

Rubber bands are a great toy. Wrap them around body parts, pull and release. Depending on the strength of the rubber bands and the distance you pull, it can be quite painful. You can string multiple rubber bands together to go around the torso. Be careful as this often leaves marks on the body, especially sensitive areas like the stomach, the sides, or insides of the arms and legs. Better to check in with your partner if they’re going to the beach and don’t want to answer questions about the marks.

Bottle caps are great for using with bondage. I’ll slip a bottle cap between a rope and the skin. When left for a longer period of time, it can be quite a nagging pain. A few years ago we had two submissives run a race with bottle caps taped to the soles of their feet. That was a blast to watch!

Using dice or playing cards can be fun.  Write a list of six things that you want to do and have them determine their own fate. Have your select a card to determine the number of spankings they will get, how many orgasms they will have in a week, how long they have to stay in a certain position, and so on.

This is, of course, just the beginning. You just need to look around and get creative with the things you have on hand to really dive in to household kink.

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My Interview with Leesha Lacey from the Female Fetish Federation

Female Fetish Federation

My Interview with Leesha Lacey from the Female Fetish Federation

I was recently interviewed by Leesha Lacey who writes for the Female Fetish Federation, a website promoting women, kink, and female-led relationships. You can find the article here.

BDSM fetish

The site is a great source of information, whether you’re traveling and looking for a Mistress to serve, curious about a specific practice, or just want to read some kinky goodness. I particularly like the section dedicated to mental health. As many of you know, I take safety seriously! It’s great to see another resource discussing issues that we often have a difficult time talking about with our partners. Whether you’re a beginner or an experienced player, a lifestyle Domme or a successful professional, a sub or a fetishist, there are great articles on a number of subjects ranging from cats and BDSM (there could be a connection!) to race play to attending your first munch.

Go take a look at Leesha Lacey’s twitter and website, then hop over to FFFbuzz.com to explore what they have carefully curated for your reading (and viewing) pleasure.