Chastity basics


Chastity basics

This article is focused on male chastity as I have no personal experience with keeping a cis-female submissive in chastity. I will use he/him pronouns for simplicity, although some of my subs  identify otherwise during play. 

As with all of my articles, this just scratches the surface of the subject. Like all sexual practices and relationships, there are many nuances. I hope this encourages you to try chastity if you haven’t already, or remind you of why you decided to get caged in the first place. Enjoy!

What is chastity? 

Chastity is when a willing male deliberately gives up his right to sexual pleasure with his penis. He may or may not abstain from anal pleasure, as well. 

While some men lock themselves, it is very common that they give their key to a Domme (or key holder) for safekeeping. I provide key holding services for both beginners as well as those of you that are more experienced with long-term chastity. You can send me an email to learn more about this service.

Most men that are chaste use a chastity cage: a metal, plastic, or silicone device that is held in place with a ring around the scrotum and secured with a lock or a numbered tag. This helps reduce temptation to masturbate or have sexual intercourse. Chastity cages make it nearly impossible to get an erection, and some cages have spikes to make it painful when they do get one. Other cages have a urethral plug (my favorites) and others are equipped to wear with a Prince Albert piercing. Some have an integrated anal plug. 

There are also chastity belts, but it seems they are becoming less and less common as chastity cages gain in popularity. Such a shame as they are such fashion statements!

Cages are a bit more discrete than this antique  chastity belt.

Why would someone want to have their penis locked away?  

There are many reasons that a man would want to be chaste. Some do it for religious or moral reasons, some do it to strengthen the bond with their Domme, some do it to stay more focused, to show their partner that they are willing to sacrifice, as a symbol of the relationship (much like a collar, which I’ll write about another time), to improve communication, to increase frustration, to improve orgasms when they are finally allowed, or simply for control. Each person is different and the reasons to be caged are as varied as they are. 

What benefits for the key holder? 

It’s well known that many men are only capable of thinking with one head at a time, so why not encourage them to do so with the one between their ears and not the one between their legs? Men in chastity, particularly long-term chastity, tend to be much more focused on the woman’s pleasure than uncaged men. 

When a submissive tells me that he wants to be caged long-term, that shows an incredible amount of trust in me. 

Communication improves in the relationship when the man is in chastity. It generally makes it easier for the woman to express her needs, sexual and otherwise, and the man generally is more open to suggestions both in and out of the bedroom. Because his pleasure is dependant on her decision to free him, he becomes more loyal and devoted to her pleasure. 

Medical-grade silicone chastity cage.

But for how long? 

Chastity can last a few hours or for a lifetime depending on the needs and wants of the people in question. I have some submissive that will lock themselves a few days before our session and I will then decide if they have the right to orgasm during our time together. Others arrive without a cage and we use it only during play time. Some have been locked for decades, long before we met! 

Like all aspects of a D/s relationship, the involved parties need to discuss their expectations. Perhaps he only wants to be locked for a few days and she wants to lock him permanently, or the other way around. Expressing your wants and limits clearly is imperative if you are both going to enjoy the process. 

Is chastity considered BDSM? 

While there is an element of control when someone gives their key to a key holder, chastity isn’t just for D/s relationships. There are a lot of vanilla couples that practice chastity. Again, it can strengthen the bond between partners, keep the man more focused on the woman’s pleasure, help him to stay concentrated during the day, and as a permanent reminder of the relationship. You see? It can be beneficial for even the most traditional relationships!

That said, chastity is very common in the world of BDSM. Many mistresses demand their submissive be caged permanently or at least for several days before a session. Personally, I love when my subs have been chaste for a week or so before coming to see me! I know that they’ve been thinking of me constantly leading up to our session and that’s exciting in itself. 

Metal chastity cage.

Other benefits and some recommendations

Chastity is a great option in a D/s relationship if you can’t see your Domme often. There are timed devices that she can set to open on a certain day of the week or month to give you a taste of freedom before locking you away again. 

Keeping a partner in chastity can provide a way to play games that are otherwise not possible using rewards and punishments for good or bad behaviour. 

Going into chastity is no small feat. If you’re curious to explore this practice, either alone or with a partner, I recommend trying to abstain from sexual pleasure for a few days without using a cage. How difficult was it for you? Be honest with yourself and your partner so that you don’t get turned off by the practice and decide that you never want to do it again (this is true for ALL BDSM practices and relationships in general: communication is key!). 

If you’re a total beginner to chastity cages, start by wearing it for a few hours around the house with the key in a safe place. You don’t want to have to go to the emergency room to have it taken off! Slowly increase your time in the cage over a period of a few weeks until you’re ready to try sleeping in it the first time. 

The first time you decide to sleep with the cage, be prepared for a rough night. This isn’t something you want to do the night before a big meeting with the boss. Don’t worry, it gets easier with time.

There are a lot of cages on the market and choosing the right one is imperative if you want to be locked for long periods of time. Ensure that it is made of body-safe material (stainless/surgical steel, medical grade plastic or silicone). Even if you’re just planning on wearing a cage for a few hours a month, please don’t buy it from a website like Amazon or Wish. Invest in your health and comfort and purchase one that has good reviews from a trusted website. I am happy to make recommendations if you choose to give me your key for safekeeping. 

If you don’t choose me as your key holder, please be very selective when you decide who you’re going to give it to. There are a lot of scams on the internet. If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Just like when you’re choosing a Dominatrix for real-time play, do your research. Does she have a website and active social media presence? Do her kinks (not just chastity) align with yours? How much interaction with her is included in the key holding fee? Do you appreciate her style of domination (distant and cold, warm and nurturing, strict and discerning)? These are all things to take into consideration when choosing the right person. 

Above all, have fun with chastity! It can lead to wonderful things, whether you do it with yourself or with a partner. 

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BDSM Munch: What is it and what to expect


Do you dream about going to a gathering of 20, 30, 40 or more people where you can discuss BDSM in a safe and open-minded environment? While COVID has put a damper on group activities for the time being, it won’t be long before we can again get together with our friends. Here are a few things that you should know before attending your first munch so that you and everyone around you has the best time possible.

What’s a munch anyways?

Munches are events where you go to a café or restaurant to meet like-minded kinky people, but not to play. Generally, we eat a meal together, have a drink or two, and chit-chat. Sometimes there are activities to help break the ice and get the conversation going between participants. Most munches are open to the public, but it’s always a good idea to let the hosts know that you’re coming in advance in case there’s a restriction on the number of people in the location.

While there will be a mix of Dom(me)s and subs, there is no D/s protocol. That’s to say that, if you’re a sub, you’re not going to be running around fetching drinks for people all night long (unless you actively want to be doing so). Dom(me)s shouldn’t expect that people that are not employees of the establishment offer them service of any kind. If you’re submissive, the only thing that’s expected of you is to be courteous. Actually, that goes for both tops and bottoms!

Why go to a munch?

Munches are a great place to meet people in the community, be that to play with later or just to have some support while you’re learning more about BDSM. I always encourage my subs to attend to meet other submissives and create relationships where they can share their stories openly. Having a support network is so helpful when you’re asking questions about your sexuality and desires.

Don’t go to a munch expecting to meet your dream Domme. If she is there, casually exchange a few words to get the conversation going and see if she’s open to discussing more. Don’t be overbearing and expect that she wants to spend the evening only with you. She’s there to catch up with friends, too.

Attending a munch can be a good first step before going to a play party. Once you’ve met a few people at munches, you can ask advice about which parties are best suited for your desires, and perhaps even find a group to go with.

It can also be a good meeting spot for someone that you’ve been chatting with online. If they don’t show up for some reason, there are plenty of other people that you can talk to.

If you see me at a munch, I certainly won’t be dressed like this.

Rules at a munch

Most munches are open to everyone, although there are some that have specific purposes. In Paris, there is JPK (Jeunes parisiens et kinky) for people under 35. Other munches are restricted to female Dommes, others are only for submissives. Make sure that the munch that you’re going to attend is appropriate for you.

Be sure to thoroughly read the rules of the munch before you show up. Photos are generally not allowed. Not everyone is “out” about being kinky, so even if you’re tempted to snap a selfie with a hot Domme, curb your desires and keep your phone in your pocket.

Titles such as Mistress or Sir are generally discouraged at munches unless you’re already in a relationship with someone. It irks me when an unknown sub comes up to me and calls me Mistress (you can read my article on the many reasons I don’t like it). We usually have name tags with the name that we want to use during the event. If you happen to know that someone’s real name is different than the one on the name tag, please refrain from using it.

Don’t touch anyone without their permission at a munch (or anywhere, for that matter). Again, this is not a play party, it’s an opportunity to meet people and discover. Something that I love about the kink community is that we often ask each other before hugging/kissing. Not everyone has the same comfort level with physical touch, even if you might think it’s innocent.

Don’t be creepy. Don’t follow one person around all night because you find them attractive. No means no. Be aware of body language. These are general life skills, but they bear repeating.

Anonymity and discretion

It’s possible that you may run across someone you know at any of these events, but they’re there too, so don’t fret. The BDSM community is generally very discrete. Part of what we advocate for is that we’re not judged for what we do behind closed doors, so if you do bump into your cousin or your boss, chances are that they won’t be spreading gossip about where they saw you.

Most munches have a dedicated room in a restaurant where the public can’t access the event, but if that’s not the case, be discreet in your conversations. No need to be screaming about the amazing session you had the night before, divulging all the details of your naughty games.

Of course, you should keep the same thing in mind if you see someone that you know. Avoid conversations about how you know each other if you can. If it’s awkward for you, simply wave hello from across the room and avoid speaking to them if that feels like the best solution.

BDSM munch
Leave your toys at home.

General courtesy  

Be mindful that the restaurant staff is generally quite busy on Munch night. At the PariS-M munch there can be upwards of 50 or 60 people. Be patient with the staff that are there to ensure you’re having a good time. As a former restaurant worker, I can tell you that the people that complained loudly to their table neighbors got a lot less attention than those that said please and thank you a lot.

If someone is bothering you, let the organizers know right away. They are there to be helpful and ensure that everyone is respectful and having a good time. We would much rather hear about a problem on the spot rather than learning later that there was inappropriate behavior.

How to dress for a munch

If you were to wander into a munch unexpectedly, you might just think it was a company party or a class reunion. People are dressed in everyday clothes; you won’t see men on leashes and women dressed in full latex catsuits. Some submissives will be wearing their collar, but that’s about the kinkiest attire that you’ll see.

Dress as if you’re going to an evening out with friends, or perhaps a little fancier if that’s your thing. I generally wear a pretty dress and heels, my male dates usually wear a nice pair of jeans with a button up shirt and dress shoes.

Final thoughts

Try to meet both Dommes and subs while you’re there. Be open-minded and recognize that we can all learn from each other, regardless of how you identify.

Have fun! We’re just a bunch of kink-loving perverts who want to socialize. If you go into it with an open mind and keeping these tips in mind, you’ll have a great time.

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Don’t Call Me Mistress (Unless I Tell You To)


Don’t Call Me Mistress (unless I tell you to)

Don’t assume that because many Dommes enjoy being called Mistress that it is the same for all of us. As with everything, we are individuals that have our own particular likes and dislikes. Part of the reason that I write all these articles is to tell you what my personal preferences are. This, I believe, gives you a better idea of my expectations before, during, and after a session, and also for you to determine if BDSM à la Inanna is what you’re looking for.

Unlike many of my Domme sisters, I don’t particularly like when unknown subs address me as Mistress. This, along with the fact that I let some of my submissives use the informal “tu” form in French sometimes raises eyebrows in the Parisian BDSM community and beyond. Let me clear a few things up for you so that you can be better prepared when you contact me.

A title means little if it’s not earned. How many times am I contacted by people I have never exchanged with who start their email with “Hello My Mistress.” I am certainly not yours, and we have never so much as spoken on the telephone when you decide that I am to be the one you want to submit to. It just doesn’t sit right with me.

While I am perfectly aware that many of you have been conditioned to use it, if we do not have an ongoing D/s relationship, I am not your Mistress. I am a professional Domme that you are contacting to possibly session with (if, of course, your candidature pleases me).


Linguist by training, the sound of a word and how it rolls off the tongue is important to me. Mistress (and even worse, Maîtresse in French) doesn’t appeal to my ears. Too many S sounds strung together makes it sound like someone is hissing at me, which actually sometimes seems to be the case. “Mistress, I…” is all too often followed by some weak, generic complaint or, even more common, a misplaced request.

In addition, Mistress has multiple meanings and not all positive ones. When we talk about someone’s mistress, we are usually referring to the lover of a married/partnered man. She is the “other woman” and generally seen as a home-wrecker. There is also something mildly sexist about the term, as she “belongs” to the man in question. Hard for me to define this more precisely, but it just sits wrong with me.

You are not showing respect simply by using the a certain word (or with the “vous” form in French). Respect is shown through actions, loyalty, dedication, and sacrifice. This does not happen through your choice of vocabulary. It takes time, effort, and a whole lot of energy. Yes, I understand that many of you feel that it’s a sign of respect, and I don’t disagree, but as the saying goes “show, don’t tell.”

So what should you call me? Madame is my preference. Madam, Miss or Ms. Justice are all fine, as well. Even simply Inanna works fine. I love my name and all that it stands for (I invite you to read about the Goddess Inanna). You are welcome to use it. Just don’t call me Mistress if I haven’t ordered you to do so.

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Mistress maitresse
Inanna Justice in Paris.

A Note to Clients


A note to clients

When I speak with my vanilla friends about my work as a professional Dominatrix, they often assume that the people that I see are all basement-dwelling losers or, on the opposite end of the spectrum, high-powered CEO’s needing an escape from their high-pressure jobs. While this is sometimes the case, most of my clients tend to be somewhere in the middle. A large majority of the people that I see are more or less your average Joe. They have regular jobs, they go on vacation in August, they have families, they eat pizza on Tuesdays…

note clients
I don’t expect you to have a six-pack like this guy.

Often when a person sends me a candidature request, they say something like “I have a dad bod” or “I’m a little bald” or “I’m tall and awkward” as if it is important. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read “I don’t look like the men in the photos on your website” and “I’m not particularly attractive.”

It breaks my heart each time, as I find beauty in every body. Of course you don’t look like the men on my website because they are my MODELS. I specifically chose them because they conform to societies’ idea of a good-looking person. Do I find them attractive? Yes, but it’s more because of the connection that we have than their physique.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, there are also those that contact me talking about their physical attributes and assuming that because they’re attractive, they’re going to get special treatment of some kind. This is even worse than the first group as it perpetuates some sense of entitlement because their genetics conform to the standards of society. Even worse are those who start out their presentation saying “I’m Caucasian” or “of French origins.” These subtly racist remarks make my skin crawl.

I consider myself a sapiosexual. That’s to say, I’m much more attracted to a persons intellect than their physical appearance. I have, for lack of a better term, fallen in love with people that have physical characteristics that vary from one extreme to another. I don’t have a “type” unless that means respectful, wise, generous, and honest (funny also helps).

The question to ask yourself isn’t “Will Inanna think that I’m too X, Y, or Z” but rather, “Can I serve her in a way that will enrich her life?” Because that, my dear submissives, is what really turns me on.

note clients

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My Favorite Clients


My Favorite Clients

People regularly comment on the photographs that I post on Twitter saying things like “Lucky guy,” or “I would do anything to be in his place.” I would like to break this down a little for you today and tell you how you can become one of my favorite clients. It’s probably much easier than you think.

I should preface by saying that there is no such thing as a lucky sub. The boys that make up my stable have proven themselves to be dedicated, motivated, loyal, generous, and above all, patient. As a professional and lifestyle Dominatrix, you can imagine that I am quite solicited by lots of people who want to enter into a long-term relationship with me.

Do you want to be one of the special few that I write or call when I have free time? Do you want to stand out from the crowd? Here are some tips on things to avoid and things that will get you noticed in a positive way.

First Contact

When you are first contacting me, one way to stand out is to show that you have read my website thoroughly. Mention a couple of things that stood out to you. Demonstrate that you have invested a bit of time into your research before contacting me. I always say that I’m not a “fast food Dominatrix,” and I don’t want “value meal” submissives!

Fill out my questionnaire thoughtfully and precisely. I worked hard to design it so that it helps guide even the most novice of submissives. It’s not very long but I need honest and complete answers to be able to create and guide a wonderful experience for both of us.

My favorite clients

Take Care of Yourself First

Many submissives will neglect their own needs thinking that they are doing their Domme a favor. This is not true! In order to better serve me, you need to first and foremost take care of your own needs: mental, physical, and emotional. By taking time for yourself, you become stronger and wiser and will therefore be able to make positive contributions to my life.

Of course, I do expect you to make sacrifices for me, but I believe that I do this in a healthy and sane way. I genuinely want you to flourish so that you can be the best for me!

Communicate regularly, but understand boundaries

I love getting emails and text messages saying that you’re thinking of me, but sometimes it gets to be too much. Take into consideration that I have my friends in the US as well as in France that are contacting me, my business emails to schedule sessions or photo shoots, the articles that I write, my posts on social media… That alone makes for a lot of screen time! Then add 20 people that send me messages regularly just to “see how I’m doing.”

I am generally pretty good about responding fairly quickly to emails and text messages, but it may not be within five minutes, or even five hours. Aside from all of you lovely creatures, I also have a very rich social life. Even my best friends don’t hear from me for days at a time, but they understand that I’m busy and don’t take it personally when I don’t get back to them immediately.

I hate the phone, so requesting phone calls is tiring for me. Even my best friend in the world gets about 10 minutes a month on the phone with me. If I want to speak on the phone, I’ll let you know. I also have the memory of a goldfish, and often forget what we’ve said on the phone, yet another reason to not request a call. If it’s for session details, please, please, PLEASE send me an email. It’s not because I’m not listening, it’s simply because I may forget if I don’t have it in front of my eyes.

I have a strong presence on social media, and if you want to see what’s new and exciting in my life, Twitter is a great way to do so! Plus, you’ll get to see what delicious things I’m eating, what fun projects that I have planned, and much more.

my favorite clients

Promote Me

One easy way to get noticed is to share content on social media. It helps build a bigger following, which of course can potentially bring new clients, but it also helps me get recognized by other Dommes internationally and get invited to events. As many of you know, I organize lots of events in Paris, and the more the word spreads, the more motivated I am to continue hosting and organizing.

There are websites where you can post reviews about your favorite sex workers. If you are part of these communities, a good review can do wonders for me. Don’t hesitate to write a kind word on these forums.

Share Your Skills

Do you have a skill that could benefit me? One sub re-did my website a couple of years ago (and continues to help me with updates). Another one is building custom-made equipment for my space. One recently offered a photo shoot. Others help me by translating my articles. Some make art. All of these people contribute positively to my life without spending a dime.

Whether you are a doctor, a lawyer, a chef, a geek, a plumber or you just like spending your time going to bookstores, I could probably use your help at one time or another. What skills do you have that might help me? Is there something that you can do that will free up some of my time? I’m sure many of you have ways to contribute to my well-being without spending money to session, it’s just a matter of getting creative and asking if you can help.

Respect My Time

I am self-employed, which means that every minute is an opportunity for me to make money. Be on time for your appointment with me, just as you would with any other professional. If you’re running late, let me know. If something comes up, tell me earlier rather than later.

As you all know, we always have a drink after a session. This is a great time for us to catch up and chit chat about everything and nothing. It’s always a pleasure to spend these few moments with each of you fabulous individuals, but please don’t abuse this privilege.

Most Dommes don’t offer this social time without pay, but that’s not my style. That said, please be aware that I probably have dinner planned, an exhibit to go see, a project to work on, or I just simply want to lounge around after our lovely session. Don’t overstay your welcome.

Gifts Don’t Pay Bills

I love when you bring me presents, especially when they are food and wine! But you know what’s even better than a great bottle of Champagne or olive oil? Not having to worry about paying my bills.

I have one young sub that sends 5€ every week. In the grand scheme of things, it’s not a lot, but it shows how much he appreciates me. It doesn’t have to be big bucks to show your support. Those weekly or monthly contributions are what can make the difference between a client that I like to play with and one that goes on the favorites list.

Encouraging your Domme means supporting her financially even when sessions aren’t possible, showing your appreciate all the work she does.

If you’re not comfortable sending money, buy me an experience instead of a new pair of shoes. Send me to the spa for a massage, a gift certificate for a nice restaurant, tickets for the theater. Those memories will last a lifetime, but those shoes will probably be sitting in the closet unnoticed most of the time.

my favorite clients

Don’t Feel Left Out

Part of the reason that makes Dommes so charming is that you see that we are involved in all sorts of interesting projects, right? Well, it takes a lot of time, effort, and energy to do these things, and for most of us, being active in the BDSM community is a priority (for both personal and professional reasons).

What that means is that we may choose going to a party where we are going to see a lot of friends instead of spending an evening with you. This is difficult for many subs to understand, and can provoke feelings of jealousy or of being left out. It is nothing against you. We may even be talking about you while we’re out and about (in a good way).

Don’t Disappear

If we have an ongoing relationship, even if that means we only see each other a few times a year, please don’t disappear. I think of you all regularly and with great fondness, and sincerely get worried when someone ghosts me.

I understand that things change. Maybe you find another Domme, maybe you have family problems, maybe you simply move on and no longer want to partake in BDSM. All of that is totally understandable and I won’t take it personally! But being ghosted is painful, even for a strong woman like myself.

If your life circumstances change, communicate that to me. Write me a little email saying that you have moved on but that you appreciated the time we spent together. I will keep you fondly in my heart, and if you ever do decide to rekindle a relationship, I will (likely) gladly accept.

Final Word

Becoming a favorite client is not about what practices you like or if you come and see me every week. It’s about your devotion and dedication to helping me lead a richer, more fulfilling life. Take good care of yourself, use common sense, be available, be respectful and maybe I’ll put you on my “favorite clients” list.

Stay safe, stay healthy, and stay kinky.

If you enjoy my articles, feel free to share them on social media. You can follow me on Twitter to hear about my BDSM adventures on a (nearly) daily basis.

For a more intimate look at my magical world, sign up to my OnlyFans or AVN