Pegging: take it like a man

What is pegging?

The term was first used by renowned sex advice columnist Dan Savage in 2001 to describe when a cis-gender woman anally penetrates a cis-gender man with a belt dildo. While the practice existed long before, in recent years it has become more widely accepted and practiced.

Doesn't that hurt?

Someone once told me that I'd have to use enough lubricant to stuff an elephant into a mailbox during anal sex. While this certainly helps, as with many things, it's important to go slowly at first and work your way up. There shouldn't be any sharp pain, but a slightly stretched sensation is quite normal.

In my opinion, it's best to start with your fingers before using toys. If you're training on your own, depending on your flexibility, it can sometimes be a little difficult to use your fingers. My recommendation? Go and see a reputable professional Dominatrix and she'll be able to guide you carefully and safely.

There are tons of wonderful prostate massage toys to try and an endless choice of dildos in different sizes and shapes suitable for pegging. Again, start small and work your way up. You don't want to traumatize your body by using a giant dildo right off the bat.

There are numbing creams and gels on the market, but I absolutely do NOT recommend using them. It may prevent you from feeling if something is wrong. Besides, why would you want to numb an area with so many nerve endings... it goes completely against the concept of getting pleasurable sensations from anal play.

But doesn't that make the guy gay?

Absolutely not! The idea that being anally penetrated makes you gay is ridiculous. Homosexuality is when two people of the same sex are attracted to each other. If you're a man and you have female partners, you're heterosexual, whatever sexual practices you take part in.

I'm a cis-gendered woman and I practice this regularly with men. They have no desire to kiss another man, let alone have sex with one. The fact that they enjoy anal penetration doesn't make them any less heterosexual. They want to be penetrated by ME, a cis woman.

The pegging policy

I'm passionate about educating people about sexuality, especially things that fall outside what's considered "normal." Every time we discuss things considered taboo in vanilla society, we shake the shame that surrounds it. It's important that we start educating ourselves about pegging (and so many other things) so that we can pass on our knowledge to future generations and break down some of the negative stereotypes surrounding atypical sexuality. By discussing sex and sexuality more openly, we help others overcome their insecurities and eliminate shame.

Sex is a basic human need, like food, shelter and emotional connections with others, but we don't talk about it. We spend hours discussing what we're going to cook for dinner, what improvements we're going to make to our home and our relationships with others, but we avoid talking about sex. It's time we changed our attitudes towards sex, and talking with your partner(s) and those around you is one way to do it.

Why do people love him so much?

There are so many reasons why people love pegging, but the most common answers I hear are power dynamics and physical pleasure.

Physical pleasure

You probably know that the prostate is considered to be a man's G-spot. While it may take a little practice, once you've had a prostate orgasm, it's usually pretty easy to have them again and again. From what I've read and heard from many, many partners, prostate orgasms are similar to penile orgasms but much more intense. What's more, men can have multiple orgasms this way, which is not usually possible with more conventional penis orgasms.

We often talk about the physical pleasure men derive from anal penetration, but rarely about the physical pleasure when a woman places her strap-on around her hips and fucks her man. Depending on the strap-on she uses, there can be wonderful friction against his genitals, eventually leading to orgasm. There are also dildos that are placed in the vagina and extend outwards from there like a penis. This is excellent because you can both have several orgasms together. How wonderful is that?

Power dynamics

For both partners, the symbolism of the power of pegging can be truly incredible. Many women don't understand the pleasure of penetrating their partner. Seeing a man on all fours with his ass in the air begging for my cock is one of the sexiest things imaginable. I'm generally less turned on by images than by words (for example, I'd much rather read an erotic novel than watch porn), but there's something extremely visually exciting about "taking" my partner. Between the pleasure of seeing his face twisted with pleasure and watching my cock slide in and out of his ass, it's a feast for the eyes.

For the man, being taken by his partner can be a welcome change from the typical dynamic of "classic" sex. She plays a much more active role between the sheets than usual, the man relaxes and takes all the pleasure.

Potential health benefits

Pegging and other anal games are not only fun and sexy, but there are also potential health benefits. Although research is somewhat limited, some studies have shown that playing the prostate can help combat erectile dysfunction, relieve painful ejaculations, prevent and treat prostatitis, improve urine flow, enhance sexual performance and more. I'm not a doctor, so I'll leave you to do your own research and talk to your doctor if you suffer from any of these problems.

Preparing for anal

As with all sexual practices, you need to have open and honest discussions with your partner before trying anything new. Don't be afraid to ask questions, express your concerns and explain why you want to explore pegging.

Some people worry about pegging hygiene. I ask my partner to do an enema beforehand to limit the damage. Visit a guide to making one. For people new to the joys of pegging, I'd recommend using a dark-colored towel just to be safe and keeping a roll of paper towels nearby just in case. The less you worry about the potential mess, the more fun you can have, so do what feels right.

Don't be too ambitious at first. As I've already mentioned, it's important to start slowly. I recommend setting safe words in advance because sometimes, when we're in the moment, we can find it hard to express ourselves. Sometimes it's easier to say green or red than explaining in detail when you're distracted by what's going on "in there".

Start by massaging around the anus before penetration. This will help relax the muscles and make the insertion of a finger or toy much easier and more pleasant.

If you're the giving partner, trim your fingernails, wash your hands well and don't hesitate to use gloves, even if he's your only sexual partner. Gloves help protect you both from minor infections if you have microscopic incisions anywhere. Plus, the feel of latex or nitrile gloves is super sexy. I swear, just putting on gloves turns me on now because I know what's coming next.

The more you prepare for pegging, the more relaxed you'll be and the easier it will be to let go and focus on the pleasure.

Pegging can create intimacy beyond what you've experienced before. It takes courage for a man to say he wants to explore it, and it takes confidence for a woman to strap on a dick and take control (damn, cultural norms).

When both partners can penetrate and be penetrated, the possibilities multiply and sex becomes much more interesting. You'll gain a better understanding of your own body, as well as your partner's, as you finally experience the pleasure of sex internally rather than externally.

So go ahead, take it like a man and get fucked. You'll be glad you did.