DIY Aftercare for Tops and Bottoms

After an intense session, sometimes we need some good aftercare, but maybe your partner isn’t available for one reason or another. Here are a few tips for self-love when that’s the case.

I wrote about subdrop in another article, and you can cross-reference that if you don’t know what drop is. In short, it’s a mild depression or feelings of loneliness, anxiety, or shame that sometimes happens after a scene. The most important thing to remember is that it usually passes quickly, and you’ll generally be back to normal in a couple of days max.

Take Care of Your Physical Needs

Please note that I am not a doctor and am just giving commonsense advice from my years of personal experience with BDSM. If you have severe injuries after a session, go to a doctor!

If you have physical injuries such as bruises, swelling, lacerations, or otherwise, take care of those quickly to avoid infection. Many people love seeing marks that come from sadomasochistic play days or even months after a session, but if that’s not the case, know how to treat your injuries so that they heal as quickly as possible.

For bruising, icing the area as soon as possible will help reduce swelling. Arnica is another good option to help the healing process move along more quickly. For cuts, clean with mild soap and use an antiseptic spray, then bandage as needed.

If it was a very physical session, both tops and bottoms will benefit from some stretching afterward. A few simple yoga positions and some deep breathing can help prevent aches the following day.

Eating a good protein-rich meal after a session can help your body heal and may also help with subdrop and Domdrop. Other people find solace in sugar, so having a little candy on hand after a scene is always a good idea. I tend to offer a glass of fruit juice after an intense session.

Distract Yourself

Make yourself a cup of tea or hot chocolate and take your time to sip it slowly and focus on something other than your negative feelings.

You could also put on a funny film or podcast to get out of your head a bit, or maybe listen to your favorite album or read a book. Try to find something lighthearted so that your brain starts laughing again. That idea of ‘fake it till you make it’ is perfectly applicable here.

Taking a long bath or warm shower can help soothe you. Getting good rest after an intense session is important. If you’re tired, listen to your body and slow down. Doing some self-massage is another way that you can take care of yourself.

Some people have a special blanket, warm socks, or even a stuffed animal that they snuggle with after a scene if they’re experiencing drop.

If you’re the type of person that likes to talk things out when you’re feeling down, call a friend! Even if you don’t necessarily talk to them about the session or why you’ve got the blues, a good friend can help change your ideas.

A bit of exercise can really help, as well. Just getting out for a quick walk and some fresh air can really help if you’re feeling down.

Write About It

I always encourage my subs to write after sessions, as I feel that it’s often a good way to process our feelings. If you’re not into writing, you could do a vocal recording where you respond to some questions like:

• Why am I feeling this way?
• What would make me feel better?
• How can I avoid this in the future?
• What tools do I need to treat drop if it happens again?

Another benefit of doing this is that you can later communicate with your partner for future sessions and both of you can prepare adequately.

Final thoughts

The adrenaline and endorphins that we love so much during a session can trick our brains when they come crashing down. Be kind to yourself, communicate with your partner, and remember that you’ll be feeling like yourself soon enough.

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Inanna Justice, Dominatrix in Paris