The importance of honesty in candidature emails
I was speaking to a friend of mine yesterday who was disappointed because he got a negative response from a Dominatrix that he wanted to see. She refused to session with him because he didn’t want to follow a certain aspect of her protocol, but he didn’t explain why. As it turns out, this particular thing that she expects is actually a phobia for him. But he didn’t mention it when filling out her extensive candidature request form.
This is a huge problem. Knowing this Domme fairly well, I am quite certain that, had she been aware of the issue from the beginning, she likely could adapt to the situation.***
When we ask you for your weight, your body type, your allergies, your health issues, your limits, your phobias and so on, it is by absolutely no means to judge you. We need to have this information in order to provide a safe environment for you to explore your fantasies. If you’re a fetishist of leather, but you hate chains, I can avoid using them. If you neglect to mention that you have an allergy to garlic and I want to do some sensory deprivation mixed with food play, that could be a problem.
If you want full-suspension but have a bad knee from a football injury when you were younger, I need to know so that I can avoid that area. If you have blood pressure issues and want to explore breath play, that just might be something worth mentioning. And if you have a phobia to anything, I certainly expect you to tell me. What you may think is inconsequential may actually be something very important during our time together. Please be honest and disclose all medical issues, even if you may think that they are not related to BDSM.
There is nothing (or very little) that a professional Domme hasn’t heard or read in a candidature email. It takes a lot for us to be surprised, and you are contacting us to provide you a safe sphere to dabble in your deepest desires. If we don’t have all of the elements, the best outcome is that we have a shitty session. Worst case scenario is, well, I don’t want to imagine.
Take the time to read our questionnaires carefully, and put some thought into your responses. Not only will you have better chances of being accepted by your Dream Domme, but we will both enjoy our time together later.
Keep it safe and kinky.
***It should be noted that her needs are the most important. She has protocol in place for a reason. You should absolutely never try to negotiate with a Domme’s rules. That said, when given all the information, we can sometimes make little adjustments if we feel it’s reasonable.