How to Avoid Scams
We often talk about client screening, but I think it’s important that clients also screen Dommes to help avoid getting scammed. When a sub is scammed, it hurts ALL reputable professionals. I talked about some of these things in another article, but they bear repeating.
As most of you know, I feel it’s my duty to educate people to the best of my ability (based on my own personal experiences and opinions, of course), regardless of whether you decide to apply to session with me or another Dominatrix.
So how can you be sure that you are going to have a great experience when you finally take the plunge and reach out to a professional Dominatrix?
Here are some tips.
Social media presence
Is she active on multiple social media platforms? Most reputable Dommes have at least a FetLife account, plus Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and often an OnlyFans or LoyalFans site. How long has she been on these sites? Does she always post the same things or does she show a variety of settings? Are all of her posts along the lines of “pay, you worthless pig” or does she also post about other subjects? Does she engage with her community? Does she have a lot of other well-known Dommes that follow her?
Does the experience that she claims to have align with her social media presence? If she says she has years of experience but started her Twitter two months ago, be wary (we do get deleted, so that is sometimes a factor, but a reputable Domme can quickly rebuild a decent following).
Verification videos are worthless. Go through her timeline and look at what she’s posted over the years. This will also give you a better idea of who you are becoming involved with.
Are all of her photos in the same three lingerie ensembles? Does she have high-quality fetish wear Even if you’re not a fetishist, pay attention to that. Any Domme that has invested in her business has several vinyl/latex/leather pieces that she will at least occasionally show off in her pictures, and I find it’s a good indication that she’s serious.
Does she have pictures of her play space? Even Dommes that session at home have invested in quality furniture. How about her toys? If it looks like her flogger came from AliExpress, it’s probably not a good sign. Side note, this reminds me that I need to take some pictures of the new additions to The Justice Room!
Does she show herself in a variety of settings? Most pro Dommes attend play parties and other events, visit other dungeons, session with other Mistresses, etc. If she only has photos of herself in one setting, she probably doesn’t have a lot of experience.
Are there pictures of her in street clothes/outside of the dungeon? Yes, we use social media primarily to market our brand, but most of us will show a candid pic once in a while of our interests outside of the dungeon. Those of you that follow me on Twitter know that my timeline is filled with pictures of food and travel, two of my other passions.
Please note, just because she doesn’t show her face doesn’t mean that she’s not real. Even the best of us have reasons that we don’t do so including personal security, to protect our loved ones, or any number of other factors. I know several amazing Dommes around the world that like their privacy and don’t want to be identified in the street. That doesn’t mean that they’re not exceptional Dominatrix’s.
If she doesn’t have a website, it’s a huge red flag. It is our storefront, our boutique. It doesn’t necessarily have to be complex, but it should at least include her location, her screening requirements, various photographs (again, in different settings with good equipment), and her preferred practices. Even if she doesn’t do real time sessions, she should probably have a website.
There are some great younger Dommes that only use social media to attract submissives. Again, this is just one factor in determining her “real-ness.” If she’s on lots of different social media sites and not setting off other red flags, it may be that she has attracted enough clients to not need one yet.
While you’re screening your future Domme, be aware of her standards in screening, as well.
How does she communicate with potential new clients? If it’s only snapchat, WhatsApp, or DM’s on social media websites, red flag. Most of us prefer email followed by a phone/video call.
Most professionals require deposits, especially for real-time sessions, but if there are some red flags in other areas and she asks for 100% deposit for her first session with you, run for the hills! If you’re not sure, ask if she offers paid social time. Pay for a video chat of 10 or 15 minutes before engaging in a multi-hour session that could cost hundreds or even thousands of dollars. It hurts a lot less to lose 50€ than it does to lose 1000€.
Does she offer multiple options for taking deposits? If she only uses one platform (CashApp, for example), be wary. I have two different payment processors available to take credit cards, plus many, many other options available. This is true for most of my pro-Domme friends.
Did she offer you a slave contract right from the beginning? Red flag.
Did she contact you? Red flag. No decent professional chases subs, they come to us.
Did she engage in play immediately without getting paid? Red flag. A good Domme won’t start calling you names until she has received some sort of compensation first (and established limits!). Until that point, it’s business only. For example, if you contact me for a session, I am very polite and businesslike. I state the facts, I don’t get into details of what I’m going to do to you when we play. We discuss limits, set a date, and you pay a deposit. From there, I will start some teasing, but never before. If she comes into your DM’s calling you names right from the get-go, you’ve likely found a scammer.
- Website history. One of my clients goes so far as to look at archive.org to see how long her website has been around. This is great for establishing how long she’s been working as a professional Domme. (Thanks for the tip, O.)
- Testimonials of other clients. This can be on her webpage (although can easily be falsified) where she posts what her subs have written about her. Look for a diversity of writing styles if it’s on her website. You can also find sex-worker review sites in your area.
- A blog. If she takes the time to write once in a while, it shows that she’s willing to put in some work to show what she knows.
- Passion. Does she seem invested in what she does?
- Practices. These should align with yours.
- Safety. Does she seem concerned about the well-being of her clients? This is of course super important in the dungeon, but even for online play, she should know how to establish boundaries.
Use good judgement. If something sounds too good to be true, it probably is. You get what you pay for, so don’t hesitate to invest in quality. Meeting a pro Domme is expensive, but it creates memories that you will cherish for a long time. Take the time to do your research so that those memories are positive and not you kicking yourself for making a bad choice.