Chastity basics

chastity

Chastity basics

This article is focused on male chastity as I have no personal experience with keeping a cis-female submissive in chastity. I will use he/him pronouns for simplicity, although some of my subs  identify otherwise during play. 

As with all of my articles, this just scratches the surface of the subject. Like all sexual practices and relationships, there are many nuances. I hope this encourages you to try chastity if you haven’t already, or remind you of why you decided to get caged in the first place. Enjoy!

What is chastity? 

Chastity is when a willing male deliberately gives up his right to sexual pleasure with his penis. He may or may not abstain from anal pleasure, as well. 

While some men lock themselves, it is very common that they give their key to a Domme (or key holder) for safekeeping. I provide key holding services for both beginners as well as those of you that are more experienced with long-term chastity. You can send me an email to learn more about this service.

Most men that are chaste use a chastity cage: a metal, plastic, or silicone device that is held in place with a ring around the scrotum and secured with a lock or a numbered tag. This helps reduce temptation to masturbate or have sexual intercourse. Chastity cages make it nearly impossible to get an erection, and some cages have spikes to make it painful when they do get one. Other cages have a urethral plug (my favorites) and others are equipped to wear with a Prince Albert piercing. Some have an integrated anal plug. 

There are also chastity belts, but it seems they are becoming less and less common as chastity cages gain in popularity. Such a shame as they are such fashion statements!

chastity
Cages are a bit more discrete than this antique  chastity belt.

Why would someone want to have their penis locked away?  

There are many reasons that a man would want to be chaste. Some do it for religious or moral reasons, some do it to strengthen the bond with their Domme, some do it to stay more focused, to show their partner that they are willing to sacrifice, as a symbol of the relationship (much like a collar, which I’ll write about another time), to improve communication, to increase frustration, to improve orgasms when they are finally allowed, or simply for control. Each person is different and the reasons to be caged are as varied as they are. 

What benefits for the key holder? 

It’s well known that many men are only capable of thinking with one head at a time, so why not encourage them to do so with the one between their ears and not the one between their legs? Men in chastity, particularly long-term chastity, tend to be much more focused on the woman’s pleasure than uncaged men. 

When a submissive tells me that he wants to be caged long-term, that shows an incredible amount of trust in me. 

Communication improves in the relationship when the man is in chastity. It generally makes it easier for the woman to express her needs, sexual and otherwise, and the man generally is more open to suggestions both in and out of the bedroom. Because his pleasure is dependant on her decision to free him, he becomes more loyal and devoted to her pleasure. 

Medical-grade silicone chastity cage.

But for how long? 

Chastity can last a few hours or for a lifetime depending on the needs and wants of the people in question. I have some submissive that will lock themselves a few days before our session and I will then decide if they have the right to orgasm during our time together. Others arrive without a cage and we use it only during play time. Some have been locked for decades, long before we met! 

Like all aspects of a D/s relationship, the involved parties need to discuss their expectations. Perhaps he only wants to be locked for a few days and she wants to lock him permanently, or the other way around. Expressing your wants and limits clearly is imperative if you are both going to enjoy the process. 

Is chastity considered BDSM? 

While there is an element of control when someone gives their key to a key holder, chastity isn’t just for D/s relationships. There are a lot of vanilla couples that practice chastity. Again, it can strengthen the bond between partners, keep the man more focused on the woman’s pleasure, help him to stay concentrated during the day, and as a permanent reminder of the relationship. You see? It can be beneficial for even the most traditional relationships!

That said, chastity is very common in the world of BDSM. Many mistresses demand their submissive be caged permanently or at least for several days before a session. Personally, I love when my subs have been chaste for a week or so before coming to see me! I know that they’ve been thinking of me constantly leading up to our session and that’s exciting in itself. 

Metal chastity cage.

Other benefits and some recommendations

Chastity is a great option in a D/s relationship if you can’t see your Domme often. There are timed devices that she can set to open on a certain day of the week or month to give you a taste of freedom before locking you away again. 

Keeping a partner in chastity can provide a way to play games that are otherwise not possible using rewards and punishments for good or bad behaviour. 

Going into chastity is no small feat. If you’re curious to explore this practice, either alone or with a partner, I recommend trying to abstain from sexual pleasure for a few days without using a cage. How difficult was it for you? Be honest with yourself and your partner so that you don’t get turned off by the practice and decide that you never want to do it again (this is true for ALL BDSM practices and relationships in general: communication is key!). 

If you’re a total beginner to chastity cages, start by wearing it for a few hours around the house with the key in a safe place. You don’t want to have to go to the emergency room to have it taken off! Slowly increase your time in the cage over a period of a few weeks until you’re ready to try sleeping in it the first time. 

The first time you decide to sleep with the cage, be prepared for a rough night. This isn’t something you want to do the night before a big meeting with the boss. Don’t worry, it gets easier with time.

There are a lot of cages on the market and choosing the right one is imperative if you want to be locked for long periods of time. Ensure that it is made of body-safe material (stainless/surgical steel, medical grade plastic or silicone). Even if you’re just planning on wearing a cage for a few hours a month, please don’t buy it from a website like Amazon or Wish. Invest in your health and comfort and purchase one that has good reviews from a trusted website. I am happy to make recommendations if you choose to give me your key for safekeeping. 

If you don’t choose me as your key holder, please be very selective when you decide who you’re going to give it to. There are a lot of scams on the internet. If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Just like when you’re choosing a Dominatrix for real-time play, do your research. Does she have a website and active social media presence? Do her kinks (not just chastity) align with yours? How much interaction with her is included in the key holding fee? Do you appreciate her style of domination (distant and cold, warm and nurturing, strict and discerning)? These are all things to take into consideration when choosing the right person. 

Above all, have fun with chastity! It can lead to wonderful things, whether you do it with yourself or with a partner. 

For a more intimate look at my magical world, sign up to my OnlyFans or AVN

If you enjoy my articles, feel free to share them on social media. You can follow me on Twitter to hear about my BDSM adventures on a (nearly) daily basis.

Beginners BDSM Session Special

débutant bdsm

BDSM Session for Beginners with Inanna Justice

As you might already know, I love introducing beginners to BDSM. We always remember our first times: the first time we kissed someone, the first time we drove a car, our first vacation as an adult… I want to initiate more people to the wonders of this world in a safe and reassuring framework.

We will begin with a video call of 15 minutes where you can ask me anything that you would like. Want to know more about a certain practice but you’re too shy to ask someone? No problem, I have heard a lot of unusual fantasies and I will not judge you. Are you interested in meeting a kinky partner but don’t know where to look? I have tons of resources that can help you in your research. Do you just simply want to ask questions about me? I’m an open book.  Whatever you want to discuss is fine with me! The point is that you feel more comfortable when we finally meet.

I will require that you read several articles on my website before our session and will verify that you have done so before we meet. This is to ensure that our time together is as enjoyable as possible and that you’re aware of some BDSM basics that I feel are essential to having the best time possible. I find that this also reassures beginners of my commitment to safety and the well-being of my play partners.

From there, we will set a date for our session. Because this is intended to be an initiation session, I have selected some of the most requested practices for beginners. You can choose three from the list that I’ve curated:

Foot/stocking/shoe worship

Anal play

Bondage

Impact play (floggers and hand spankings)

Sensory deprivation

bdsm beginners
Like the idea of worshiping my boots and stockings?

The session lasts 1h15 minutes, which includes time for a shower at the beginning and the end of play time. We will then have a quick drink together to debrief.

As with all my sessions, there is a deposit to be paid before we schedule our video call. This is non-refundable, but if you give me at least 48 hours’ notice, I allow you to reschedule one time in the following 30 days without losing your deposit.

I am also currently requiring a COVID test for all sessions. This must be done less than 24 hours before our session time and you need to show me the results when you arrive. For those that haven’t done one, it’s not pleasant but it’s not painful. Nearly every pharmacy in my neighborhood does them without an appointment.

I hope that this encourages more people to take that very intimidating first step. I was very lucky to have some excellent people guiding me when I was a beginner in the scene, and I hope that I can be that for others. BDSM can be scary when you don’t know what to expect, but my hopes are that this program helps soothe some of those fears and helps people move on to explore all the fantastic things that we can experience in this world.

If you’re interested in scheduling this type of session, send me an email with “BDSM beginners program” in the subject line and we can plan the next steps.

Please note: this is intended for those with little or no real-life experience with a Domme. It is not a way for more experienced players to have a less expensive session with me. If I find out that you are more practiced, I will cancel our session and you will be added to the blacklist for your dishonesty. My goal is to introduce beginners to the magic of BDSM and I won’t tolerate someone taking advantage of my kindness and generosity. Thank you for your understanding on this point.

For a more intimate look at my magical world, sign up to my OnlyFans or AVN

If you enjoy my articles, feel free to share them on social media. You can follow me on Twitter to hear about my BDSM adventures on a (nearly) daily basis.

BDSM beginners
Yes, sometimes we laugh during sessions!

BDSM Munch: What is it and what to expect

BDSM MUNCH

Do you dream about going to a gathering of 20, 30, 40 or more people where you can discuss BDSM in a safe and open-minded environment? While COVID has put a damper on group activities for the time being, it won’t be long before we can again get together with our friends. Here are a few things that you should know before attending your first munch so that you and everyone around you has the best time possible.

What’s a munch anyways?

Munches are events where you go to a café or restaurant to meet like-minded kinky people, but not to play. Generally, we eat a meal together, have a drink or two, and chit-chat. Sometimes there are activities to help break the ice and get the conversation going between participants. Most munches are open to the public, but it’s always a good idea to let the hosts know that you’re coming in advance in case there’s a restriction on the number of people in the location.

While there will be a mix of Dom(me)s and subs, there is no D/s protocol. That’s to say that, if you’re a sub, you’re not going to be running around fetching drinks for people all night long (unless you actively want to be doing so). Dom(me)s shouldn’t expect that people that are not employees of the establishment offer them service of any kind. If you’re submissive, the only thing that’s expected of you is to be courteous. Actually, that goes for both tops and bottoms!

Why go to a munch?

Munches are a great place to meet people in the community, be that to play with later or just to have some support while you’re learning more about BDSM. I always encourage my subs to attend to meet other submissives and create relationships where they can share their stories openly. Having a support network is so helpful when you’re asking questions about your sexuality and desires.

Don’t go to a munch expecting to meet your dream Domme. If she is there, casually exchange a few words to get the conversation going and see if she’s open to discussing more. Don’t be overbearing and expect that she wants to spend the evening only with you. She’s there to catch up with friends, too.

Attending a munch can be a good first step before going to a play party. Once you’ve met a few people at munches, you can ask advice about which parties are best suited for your desires, and perhaps even find a group to go with.

It can also be a good meeting spot for someone that you’ve been chatting with online. If they don’t show up for some reason, there are plenty of other people that you can talk to.

MUNCH BDMS
If you see me at a munch, I certainly won’t be dressed like this.

Rules at a munch

Most munches are open to everyone, although there are some that have specific purposes. In Paris, there is JPK (Jeunes parisiens et kinky) for people under 35. Other munches are restricted to female Dommes, others are only for submissives. Make sure that the munch that you’re going to attend is appropriate for you.

Be sure to thoroughly read the rules of the munch before you show up. Photos are generally not allowed. Not everyone is “out” about being kinky, so even if you’re tempted to snap a selfie with a hot Domme, curb your desires and keep your phone in your pocket.

Titles such as Mistress or Sir are generally discouraged at munches unless you’re already in a relationship with someone. It irks me when an unknown sub comes up to me and calls me Mistress (you can read my article on the many reasons I don’t like it). We usually have name tags with the name that we want to use during the event. If you happen to know that someone’s real name is different than the one on the name tag, please refrain from using it.

Don’t touch anyone without their permission at a munch (or anywhere, for that matter). Again, this is not a play party, it’s an opportunity to meet people and discover. Something that I love about the kink community is that we often ask each other before hugging/kissing. Not everyone has the same comfort level with physical touch, even if you might think it’s innocent.

Don’t be creepy. Don’t follow one person around all night because you find them attractive. No means no. Be aware of body language. These are general life skills, but they bear repeating.

Anonymity and discretion

It’s possible that you may run across someone you know at any of these events, but they’re there too, so don’t fret. The BDSM community is generally very discrete. Part of what we advocate for is that we’re not judged for what we do behind closed doors, so if you do bump into your cousin or your boss, chances are that they won’t be spreading gossip about where they saw you.

Most munches have a dedicated room in a restaurant where the public can’t access the event, but if that’s not the case, be discreet in your conversations. No need to be screaming about the amazing session you had the night before, divulging all the details of your naughty games.

Of course, you should keep the same thing in mind if you see someone that you know. Avoid conversations about how you know each other if you can. If it’s awkward for you, simply wave hello from across the room and avoid speaking to them if that feels like the best solution.

BDSM munch
Leave your toys at home.

General courtesy  

Be mindful that the restaurant staff is generally quite busy on Munch night. At the PariS-M munch there can be upwards of 50 or 60 people. Be patient with the staff that are there to ensure you’re having a good time. As a former restaurant worker, I can tell you that the people that complained loudly to their table neighbors got a lot less attention than those that said please and thank you a lot.

If someone is bothering you, let the organizers know right away. They are there to be helpful and ensure that everyone is respectful and having a good time. We would much rather hear about a problem on the spot rather than learning later that there was inappropriate behavior.

How to dress for a munch

If you were to wander into a munch unexpectedly, you might just think it was a company party or a class reunion. People are dressed in everyday clothes; you won’t see men on leashes and women dressed in full latex catsuits. Some submissives will be wearing their collar, but that’s about the kinkiest attire that you’ll see.

Dress as if you’re going to an evening out with friends, or perhaps a little fancier if that’s your thing. I generally wear a pretty dress and heels, my male dates usually wear a nice pair of jeans with a button up shirt and dress shoes.

Final thoughts

Try to meet both Dommes and subs while you’re there. Be open-minded and recognize that we can all learn from each other, regardless of how you identify.

Have fun! We’re just a bunch of kink-loving perverts who want to socialize. If you go into it with an open mind and keeping these tips in mind, you’ll have a great time.

For a more intimate look at my magical world, sign up to my OnlyFans or AVN

If you enjoy my articles, feel free to share them on social media. You can follow me on Twitter to hear about my BDSM adventures on a (nearly) daily basis.

BDSM DOMINA MUNCH

A Note to Clients

NOTE CLIENTS

A note to clients

When I speak with my vanilla friends about my work as a professional Dominatrix, they often assume that the people that I see are all basement-dwelling losers or, on the opposite end of the spectrum, high-powered CEO’s needing an escape from their high-pressure jobs. While this is sometimes the case, most of my clients tend to be somewhere in the middle. A large majority of the people that I see are more or less your average Joe. They have regular jobs, they go on vacation in August, they have families, they eat pizza on Tuesdays…

note clients
I don’t expect you to have a six-pack like this guy.

Often when a person sends me a candidature request, they say something like “I have a dad bod” or “I’m a little bald” or “I’m tall and awkward” as if it is important. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read “I don’t look like the men in the photos on your website” and “I’m not particularly attractive.”

It breaks my heart each time, as I find beauty in every body. Of course you don’t look like the men on my website because they are my MODELS. I specifically chose them because they conform to societies’ idea of a good-looking person. Do I find them attractive? Yes, but it’s more because of the connection that we have than their physique.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, there are also those that contact me talking about their physical attributes and assuming that because they’re attractive, they’re going to get special treatment of some kind. This is even worse than the first group as it perpetuates some sense of entitlement because their genetics conform to the standards of society. Even worse are those who start out their presentation saying “I’m Caucasian” or “of French origins.” These subtly racist remarks make my skin crawl.

I consider myself a sapiosexual. That’s to say, I’m much more attracted to a persons intellect than their physical appearance. I have, for lack of a better term, fallen in love with people that have physical characteristics that vary from one extreme to another. I don’t have a “type” unless that means respectful, wise, generous, and honest (funny also helps).

The question to ask yourself isn’t “Will Inanna think that I’m too X, Y, or Z” but rather, “Can I serve her in a way that will enrich her life?” Because that, my dear submissives, is what really turns me on.

note clients

For a more intimate look at my magical world, sign up to my OnlyFans or AVN

If you enjoy my articles, feel free to share them on social media. You can follow me on Twitter to hear about my BDSM adventures on a (nearly) daily basis.

Submissive Training Program Online

formation training soumis submissive

Online Submissive Training Program

As many of you know, I largely prefer to be able to torture my victims in person, but current circumstances make that difficult. There are also many of you around the world that have been asking for ways to serve me, and I have tried to be creative in concocting something original and fun that allows us to connect even from far away.

I have been developing an online training program for submissives, and since lockdown went back into effect last week in France, I have had time to fine-tune some of the details. I’m very happy to announce that I am now going to offer you the opportunity to serve me from wherever you are in the world!

Online submissive training program

How the Online Training Program Works

Each day for two weeks, you will receive an email at 6am with your tasks for the day. In addition to completing the task, I expect an email in the morning wishing me a good day and another in the evening wishing me goodnight (before midnight). Some tasks will be performed only once, some will be integrated into your daily routine so that you can become a better submissive.

There are four levels to the program: green, yellow, red, and black.

Green is the easiest and suitable for even the most beginner or those who are living with others and cannot perform more challenging tasks.

Yellow is slightly more challenging. Most tasks can be done even if you live with your partner, so long as you can slip away for a few minutes each day.

Red is for those that are a bit more daring and aren’t living with a partner (or your partner is aware that you like to play naughty games with women online).

Black is the most challenging and only suitable for more experienced submissives who are willing to take some big risks to please me. You must complete at least one other level before participating in the black level.

INCENTIVES

I will occasionally offer prizes to participants for being the quickest to complete, most creative, best written… Of course, the winners are based solely on my personal preferences and are completely subjective! You could win a short video, a signed photo, or a personalized voice recording.

If there is a task that you cannot/will not perform, you have the right to refuse three times throughout the challenge. I will offer alternatives that cannot be refused. Beware, sometimes the alternative could be worse than the initial task! That said, they will not be similar. For example, if you refuse to wear a plug, the alternative will not have anything to do with anal play. I understand that some of you have limits for various reasons, and I will not violate those.

If you refuse three times, you are disqualified for the Grand Prize, but you can still win some of the other challenges.

Speaking of The Grand Prize… The winner for each level will win a 20 minute video call with me. If that’s not good incentive to sign up, I don’t know what is!

The next round of the Submissive Training Program will begin on December 1, 2020. Every two weeks, we will begin another round. Sign up before November 29 to get in on this round!

What this is and what this isn’t

This is an intensive training program where you will be required to invest time, effort and energy. I expect the players to participate fully.

I will engage with you regularly on an individual bases, but as it suits me. The more you give of yourself, the more I will give you my attention.

This is designed to help you reach a deeper understanding of yourself and what you are looking for in a D/s relationship. You will learn skills that help you not only to become a better submissive, but also a better person in order to serve me and all women in your life.

This is not a competition for a slave contract.

This is not a way to get my undivided attention for two weeks.

Email me at InannaSubChallenge@gmail.com to find out more!

You can follow me on Twitter to hear about my BDSM adventures on a (nearly) daily basis.

Read my articles to learn more about me, safety in BDSM, what FemDom means to me and much more.

Online submissive training program